i just can't do it!!!!!!!!

I envy some people who have such close relationship with their parents. As for me, its a total opposite. I cant really remember the last time i had a decent conversation with either of them. My mum as some of you might know has left the family. So i don't really see her that much. So i guess the bond is not there anymore. Every time we talk on the phone or meet up, I just have nothing to talk to her about and sometimes i get really frustrated with her questions very quickly.

As for my dad, all loyal readers should know, i don't even have a relationship. We bicker almost everyday. The only times we don't quarrel or get on each others nerves are during meals and when we are asleep. Other than that, its world war. Some of you may think that i should be grateful that i have a dad to talk to or even to see. Because some unfortunate people don't even have parents to shout at. But seriously, i am not trying to exaggerate stories or anything. Its just that me and my dad share such a bizarre relationship that no one would understand. Just today we upset each other just because my brother asked me to help him lead his friends to the house. My dad obviously had to shout and make it so hard to get out from the house. its not that i am going to SERDANG or JOHORE to lead them, its just USJ 12 and its freaking near. And that also he wants to scream and act as if i am going to hell's gate. I really don't know what he wants from me. i tried telling him how i felt about him treating me so. I even tried to be patient and just ignore every negative vibe from him. Nothing works. I am not trying to talk bad about him or anything, just want to vent out my feelings in my own blog. If you ( the readers) think my actions are immoral you can always leave comments in my 'taggy'.

Whenever i go to my friends house, i feel there's something different there. I can feel that they have a different relationship with their parents compared to what i have. Thats why sometimes i would rather go out even though i am running low on revenue but at least i am not destroying my life with all the anger and frustration. Some of my friends even asked me,"how come your always out. And if not you will be sleeping at home??" so here's your answer. I just feel that we are not improving our relationship with what we have done so far and certainly, i can't find any ways to do so. i don't know what else i can do, but to leave house as soon as i can.

Why can't i live alone???

i have always ask myself this question. I know everyone need some company but why do i need it all the time. Why do i rely on another person so much?

I grew up a loner without my siblings and parents. From young i have been raised by my aunt and usually i will just follow her around and have no one to talk to.Since i moved back with my family, i have been sad. Not because i am living a hard life or anything like that but i just felt so left out. My siblings wouldn't bother much about me because we didn't have the sibling bond since young. And as for my parents, they were too busy making money so we could live on. Frankly, if you ask any of my parents about me they wouldn't now much.

Since i started school, friends have been my company. I grew to be quite sociable since i am in primary. Initially that was because i need my own group to survive school life. You know how it is in school where there are the cool gang and also the not-so-cool gang. Until this very moment i am still like that. In school i will have to have some close friends to keep me company. Here's the catch. How long more i can rely on them? Months...years...? I myself do not know that.

i really hate the fact that i have to rely on someone to live on. The truth is i always have some trust issues with people. This is because i have been hurt so many times by my friends. Therefore, it's a little difficult to earn my trust. So far there are some friends that i really trust ( you know who you are) and some whom i don't trust fully yet. Some people said teachers are "parents" in school. I personally think that teacher ( some) only know how to judge and have perceptions about us. I really hate that about them. Teachers often sees me as a happy, care-free kind of person. And so they make some speculation about me without even know my true self. That's the reason why i don't trust teachers(most).

I really want to learn how to live on my own. I easily get frustrated when people don't understand what i am saying or just take me for granted. I know i am a person that is easy to make use of. when you don't have a friend, there's always Raymondo around to accompany you. Sometimes i just want to live alone. In that case i won't be able to hurt anyone and no one can hurt me. Almost everyday now i will quarrel with someone, regardless of family or friends. I don't want that anymore. People often misunderstand and thinks that i hurt them on purpose. But they do not know what they did in the first place that got me really aggitated. I just can't wait to have my own "wings" and live on my own. Of course i will still meet up with friends and family but i just don't want to meet them( those who hurt me) everyday.

MPT 5&6

Finally the night most of us have waited for so long...PROM. We had a blast..even though there are a little flaw but we can foresee that and just ignore it. The whole night was great and very memorable and so much fun. As for the food, it was just fine and the portion was really small. So none of us actually had enough food. even if there are enough food i don't think there's time because we were too busy taking pictures and just chit chatting with our friends. Not forgetting the wonderful performances arranged. I don't really know how else to describe the prom. here are some pictures that we have taken that night, there are more but i don't have it =(

first pic in the ballroom

danica, sam, pn. viani and mua...

sam and i

me, sam and yee sing ( my lou kong...hehe)

usha and i

the group with pn fong...everyone look so happy

we went back quite early but we didn't miss out alot. went back home and was really tired but i still went for a drink with Y.K.W. then came back home and slept like a baby....hehe

history workshop...!!!

here are some of the pics of teams preparing for their presentation...at least some is preparing...hehe.. and as for some...posing...walking around disturbing others and just doing nothing....




here are some of the vids of the presentation...some really funny ( atleast to us la...its an inside joke...) some boring( u can see how boring it is)..some too long (but i cut it short) so just bare with it...sorry i cant upload all the vids as time is too short for me to upload all...(so if ur vid not here don terasa)

overall the workshop was fine..though not many people turned up but its fine..we had our laughs and some bicker...actually thats me and sam...in the beginning but now its fine already..i hope...so now i am off to prepare myself for prom tonight...don wanna screw anything up..atleast i hope not...

26 more days!!!

STPM is so near man....

anyways MPT (prom) is tmr and everyone is just so focused on looking good for it. At first danica and i wanted to just wear the saree and kurta to the MPT but then she decided not too so i will not too. i borrowed a blazer from Azman. it look quite nice but i havent actually put all my outfit together though. i can just imagine after tmr everyone will be so busy studying and all.

i juts cut my hair today. it is quite short now. hopefully it look nice tmr and i don embarass myself..hehe. anyways there's no pic for this post. hopefully there are some from my prom and i will upload it here. for now thats all...

Spoiler!!!!!!!!!!

my day started off just fine. went to driving centre and had 2 full hours of driving. and i had improved since my last lesson but i don't know will it be enough to pass my test which is on monday. when i came home i was just so tired so i tried taking a nap but it didn't happen. i just cant check in to dreamland...sigh...

then later in the afternoon i told my dad about the dinner plan to celebrate sam's bday and he kept asking me why must i go? why am i invited? and all that nonsense questions. come on i am sam's friend that's y i am invited..duh!!!!!!!! then he just ignored me and don't let me go to any outing including sam's bday celebration and the LOUD concert.. such a spoiler. he has never fail to make my life a living hell man. i don't get it why must he treat me like that. i want to go out with my friends and he don't let me. i want to go to my friends house and he don't let me. i might as well don't have any social life at all by all means.. i am very pissed at how he treated me since last year. i am so overwhelmed by it right now that i am speechless.. just can't wait to have my own life!!!!!!!!!!

Happy bday SAMMIX!!!!!!!!!!

Just came back from giving a big surprise to Sam. We expected her to tear a little but she didn't. i guess she was too shocked that we came to her house in the middle of the night. All the ignoring and making her angry has paid off. Hope she is happy with wat we can give her.

She was half way sleeping in her PJs and we woke her up with a surprise. This is the first time i actually surprise someone this way. Sorry no pic because lighting not too good for my phone to snap any pics. Will post some photo about the bday outing on friday(hopefully)

Happy Bday Pn Salawatty!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pn Salawatty....

her cake...bought it last min...

classmates after the celebration...

The whole day we didn't study at all...just play games and foolinf around...hahahah

look at these 2 with their face....

i wonder wat is so funny....

JObleSS...

Remember i blogged about the job in Genting...its off. Just got to know about it today. All this while we practice and waste all the time for nothing. But some of us are trying to get some other small job or even just sing for fun in shopping complex and such. I really felt it was such a waste. there's no point being sad or even disappointed about it anymore because we cant do anything else. So wish us luck in getting another job!!! BUt seriously i don't really feel like doing it anymore. I felt that me leaving choir live is a good move. Now getting myself into it again, not really that fun. Luckily my friends are going through it with me. At least we have laughs together...

how close!!!

SPTM is just around the corner. I knew it was close but didn't realize that it was that close. This whole week, the form 6 students are given a week break but my class was called back because of our trials results. It was horrendous!!! So we have to attend extra classes to help us improve our grades. Actually it was not as bad as it may sound. The teachers were not so stressed up as usual so they were really friendly and the sessions were quite fun.

Classes, breaks and chitchats..that's normal in our class but today something really shocking happen. The classes were held in the SAL room since our normal classroom was locked-up. Then there were this librarian girl there with us because she was incharged of that room for the day. She was only form 2 and guess what she did?? She watched PORN with the computers there. The more shocking thing is that she did it beside our teacher and she is not scared at all. I guess she was really horny that she can't wait any longer for her PORNO SESSION.

That's all... today was a very short day. And oh ya... HAPPY BDAY IZZATI ALYAA!!! ALL THE BEST IN LIFE!!!

just watched the show....hehe

I have been finding excuses for me to wear my contact lenses. So today i went out with Y.K.W. to summit for bowling and just to walk around. So i wore my contacts of course. And i went and bought some saline solution for myself since i don have any. Plus i don want to waste all my multi-purpose solution everytime i rinse my lenses.

In summit, we saw the dog show. As in a doggy competition where the dogs and trainers compete in different categories to win prizes ( for those who don't know). It was quite fun but of course not as good as what we see in tv. I even saw Zhao Hui in summit with his bro. then we ate at the hainanese shop. The owner even gave us 5% discount just because he wanted us to eat there. The food was fine but don't be fooled by the pictures...

I am feeling very comfortable with my contacts now, not so irritated by it anymore. But because of this, i started using eye drops. My eye get dry quite easily with that "plastic" in my eye...hehehe....

faced another Phobia!!!!

today i have faced 1 on my fears..putting on contact lenses. Actually i have put it on b4 i bought it but today i finally wore it. My friends will know how much i hated putting things in my eye and i don't get the point of putting on contact at first. But then i really wanted to try and face my phobia at the same time. So i bought it and i am planning to wear it on prom night.

this is the pack

and this is how it looked like still in the vacuumed pack

it took me quite some time to actually put it on as i am so new and still a little scared. I even got frustrated and felt like just throwing it away. But after a while i just pulled myself together and made it. After the first eye, the second one was easier. I really really wanted to give up at first. After putting it on i felt so weird like as if i am in a dream or something because my vision was foggy. Once i got used to it i felt so comfortable and i actually like it. But i have to be really really patient when putting it on.

this is before...

and after.....nice?

i didn't want to go for exotic eye colour because i am not so brave... so i went for brown which is more natural...so... thats all for today..quite a good accomplishment right..hehehe

Twins Bday!!!!!!!!

the ppl that went.....

was suppose to blog about this yesterday bcoz the twins' Birthday was yesterday but i had some problems so i cant blog yesterday. At first we wanted to surprise them at Domino's ( where they worked) but due to late arrival, the surprise was given away by hana who waited super long for us to reach.

After that we went to Station 1 to have dinner together. There's this waitress, she was so funny to laugh at. I know i am being mean but yea...thats me. Forget the waitress la..not worth writing about. After dinner we had a cake and we chatted for quite awhile before we played "stack the tower" or some may call it "Jengga".

look at her...trying to stay calm...

After so long playing that game...look at how high it was stacked up....

Then finally...the tower came crashing down. I forgot who was the 'culprit' that made the tower fall....
but it was really fun hanging with friends just doing anything.... even though it's "stack the tower".. hopefully we have more of these times and just enjoy each other... anyways today, school was at it's worst time. it was so boring and i felt like as if it was a full day already by the end of school...it was the most boring day of my school life... tata...

Selamat HAri Raya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanna wish you guys a happy Raya!!! so so sorry if i couldn't make it to the open houses... just too busy lately..anyways..enjoy your lemang, ketupat and rendang.....!!!

This morning, woke up at 6 am just to get ready for my driving lesson. I thought the lesson will last for 2 hours but instead it only lasted for 1. I just went around usj 11 area where there are a lot of speed bumps. It was okay. I enjoyed it but wasn't really into it like i think i am supposed to. After driving, i came straight to bed. Slept for 3 hours and i felt so fresh after that.

In the evening, my bro asked me to pass something to him. We were suppose to meet at Mentari's McD at 4.30. As soon as i have reached i sms-ed him and told him that i have arrived. I ordered some fries and let time just fly by. But the weird thing is i am being watched by people. At first i didn't bother aboout them watching me but then it got weirder. I thought that there might be something wrong with the way i looked or something that triggers them to look at me like that. I went to the gents right away just to check if there are anything wrong. There is nothing weird about me. There was this couple each of them kept looking at me (one at a time). The weirdest thing about that couple is that the guy is the one that can't take his eyes of me. I am sure that the girl will one day regret dating that guy (haha..if u know wat i mean..)

Then after 1 hours my brother came. He was late and yet he still has the guts to scold me. But the thing about me today is that i was so patient. I don't really know why but i didn't snap at anyone today. Right after passing the things to him i went to the field to play with my friends. so that's all that happen today. Quite a nice day today, i loved it.