my weekend....

my new flipflops....

basically this weekend is not really fun to blog about. I actually felt upset and i felt a little disappointed with what has happen. So that's why i will not blog about it and just leave it at peace. Hopefully i will never have to go through such situation anymore.

Even though mostly i felt sad, but there are a few good things that happen in the weekend. I went to a gathering with my friends in Kwan and Teng's house. Sadly Janelle could not make it. But no biggy we will just plan for another outing or gathering that she can come to. It is not that we have a lot of things to do there as it is a last minute kinda thing. But we really enjoy each other's company. At least i hope everyone did. I most certainly didn't because of my mood. But i did a good job covering it actually. No one knew i was feeling down except Kwan and Teng. I am not sure whether the rest don't bother or just too afraid to ask. So basically that's my weekend. Quarreled with Y.K.W. and i really feel that i am a burden to everyone and i should not have any feelings.

Sometimes i wonder why there are people who don't want to get too attached to their friends or too involved with things revolving around them. At first i thought they are just anti-social. But now i have another view on that. They're doing so just to protect themselves from getting hurt. How i wish i can do that now. Just ignore as much people as i could and minimize the chances of me getting hurt ( in all sorts of ways)

That's it for my weekend, trials starting on saturday and yet i havent revise my studies. So i will need a lot of luck and prayers on my trials ( hint hint...) so tc..bye.

believed wat i said? YES or NO?

I don't know is it because of the impression i give to people or is it just i am not trustworthy. I really am confused. Most of the time i am giving advise to others. But how do i know my advise is useful to them? Is it by looking at the feedback the gave me? Or maybe i should just trust that they will take my advise? I really feel like crap when i give advises and yet people just don't take it seriously. Maybe is it just my personality, always talking "crap", that make others doubt me. Sometimes i just feel that i am just a person to talk to when there's no one else around. SOMETIMES. And at times i just feel like a counselor that is just needed when there's a problem or a dilemma. Is it so hard to take my advise or even my idea? Even though i am always joking around but whenever someone needs advise or tips or even some idea, i will give all that i can think of seriously. I hope from now on, people will take me seriously when i am serious. And i feel that i am not only a clown but a customer service officer as well. I know my friends also help me when i need them but at least i take whatever they say or do to heart and really appreciate what they've done, i really do. I am not trying to point fingers at people but this is towards all who knows me in general. Sorry if i have offended any of you in any of my post. Tc.

P.s. Good luck and all the best Danica, You can do it!!!

stressed??? What can it do to us??

I would like to talk about Stress before i start talking bout my day. Stress is so common amongst the form six students. Everyone faces their own type of stress. Whether its stress with coping with studies or even about money. To some its just stress about preparation for the future. The funny thing about stress is not what stress are we facing but how it changes someone to someone totally different. From a strong mentally person to a quiet and timid person. And some will become the ones that need help despite the joyous and happy-go-lucky personality. I just want to wish those people with stress just to calm down and try your best to deal with it. Even if you can't manage it, talk to someone and let your feelings out. I myself face a lot of challenges and stress. I would tell myself whatever i have just advised but i have my friends to stand with me and remind me about what i have said. Friends, I will try my best to help you all to cope with your stress like what you have done for me before this.

Today in school, nothing really special happen. In fact, i find school a bit boring nowadays. Izzati brought some steamed brownies from INDONESIA and it tasted so nice. Everyone in class loved it. Too bad i have no picture of it or even the brownies itself to let you ( my readers) taste it. But there is a downside to that box of brownies. It is packed in a box that is shaped like a shoe box (haha). At first we thought it is a pair of shoes and asked her why would she bring a pair of shoes to school. Then we found out is a box of brownies. We laughed our heads off....

Besides that, we are just too bored. Sam brought her guitar so she will be playing and all of us will sing to whatever song that she played. There's a point of boredom that Sam and i decided to do something really childish to do. We had a "fencing" session with marker pens and whiteboard duster. And we went round the class chasing each other. Haha...Maybe it is also the stress of studying now that we had to let loose of the Kid inside us to just loosen up a little bit. So that's my day. Besides that nothing really much happen. I find it really funny when we are in form six and yet we act like some 7-year-old kids....haha. so thats all, tc.

Don't Rush Me....!!!!

I hate it when people just treat me like a servant. Asking to do their chores and asking me to deal with their problems. Like as if i don't have enough on my mind to keep me busy. Even worse scenario is that when i don't do it well or right, i get scolded like as if i am supposed to do it for them. Come on, it was like a favor that i am giving you. If you want it perfect, then do it yourself! Don't rush me to finish it so soon. Don't ask someone to do it and just throw tantrums around when it's screwed up. I just feel it is unfair. Then when i do it wrongly, they make me feel even worse than i have already felt. It's not like i want to right. Maybe lending a helping hand is not always rewarding in the end.

aww.. so sad..=(

There's 2 things that make me sad today. First, the volleyball team above, my favourite, Brazil lost in the olympics today. How sad is that..but i cant do anything bout it. Maybe its just they're luck. They've played well but the USA team is playing exceptionally well. The best match that i've watched. I am at the edge of my seat for every single point man. Just imagine that. NO matter what, they're still my favourite team and THEY'RE STILL THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!

The other thing that make me feel sad today is TOMORROW IS A SCHOOLING DAY. I feel so sad that i have to go back to school. I know we should be glad that we have education but school is just so not fun. I just can't wait to finish my schooling days. I know i've said it a lot but that's the truth. Even so, i will miss my schooling days the most. So thats it, have to sleep early for school tomorrow. Bye tc.

Oh Happy Day!!!!!!!

today, finally i got my specs. Only the 2 of us went today because the rest wasn't free to go. So here's a pic of me with my specs and also Sam with hers.

me with new spec and new hair cut...

Sam...happy but dunno bcoz of the specs or...ehmm...

so nice or not??? Not nice don't say it out. Just keep it to yourselves. Anyway i liked it. Here are some pics of the specs. Like advertisement only...hahaha...

both our specs....

mine!!!!!!!!!!

Sam's....

After we took our glasses, we went on just loitering around summit trying to find things to do. Firstly, we went for lunch at the Thai restaurant. After eating we went to Reject shop and guess what we did. We went and try on clothes but didn't but any. The clothes looked nice but the cutting is damn weird but what can you expect from "reject" shop right. I didn't take any pic of Sam and her outfit because she didn't like any of them. And as for me, it only looked nice from the waist up. The pants are totally weird. Some of the shirt also have weird cuttings.

nice top..i Like it but not worth it larrr...

this one..hmm...look like uncle shirt (looks nice in the pic only)

So we left the shop without buying anything and Sam say its ok. That's what the girls usually do(she said). So now i know how come girls shop for hours and only come back with a few bags of things. Oh that's not all we did in Summit. We went to this booth that sells mooncakes and tried all the flavors. They had the weirdest of them all, Curry flavor. It tasted like curry puff but i find it weird that a mooncake tasted like the curry puff. We bought some of it and we also bought some of the mini things that is sold there too. So monday's breakfast is the mooncakes..haha.. That reminds me that school holidays are coming to the end and here comes school. Hate school...haih... sad case... anyways, that's all for now. bye tc.

Went out again...woo hooo!!!!!!!!!

This time its with Nic and Jerry.

In the morning i got a surprise call from Jerry (who didn't call me for months now..). Obviously i was shocked. Then i got to know they're just in front of my house. So the 3 of us went out to have lunch at Ten Tien Fatt restaurant at USJ 8. Not really nice though. So we chat and chat till 1 p.m. then i suggested that we move on home because my dad wants me home early.

Guess what? Nic planned for me to lie to my dad and say that i go to work early and go out with them a little bit longer as we haven't seen each other for quite some time now. So we went to the Summit ( again...) and watch movie. We watched The Mummy. Most of my friends says that it sucks but i find it rather interesting to watch. In fact, its quite awesome to watch. I think those who said that movie sucks do not appreciate those kind of movie. Maybe they are more suitable to watch romantic love stories or even some comedy.

After the movie, we went for dinner at Anggerik. I ended up not going to work...haha. Then when i came home early from " work" my dad asked "why so early?". Then i replied "I came home earlier because i wasn't feeling well". HAHAHAHA. Such a liar right. Tomorrow i will be picking up my new lenses with Sam. Which means...going out again. So fun right... thats it for now. Hopefully will get to post with photos of my new specs ( poser..!haha..). But just keep your eyes on the specs because i am getting a new hair cut tomorrow and i predict it will be an ugly one. Bye tc.

wow....i practically had the best day of the year today. Sam, Bryan, Y.K.W. and I went out to summit. The original plan was to get the new glasses that i have blogged about. Then Sam and Y.K.W. wanted to watch a movie. So we went and see what movie is available and guess what...the movie chosen was " Mirror". It's one of the freakiest movie i have ever watched...the freakiest is still " The Exorcism of Emily Rose".

During the movie, Bryan keep getting up to go to the john and somewhere else. I bet he is freaking out inside of him. So to hide his sissy-ness, he gave all that excuses. Haha..just kidding. Sam is so funny during the movie. Everyone is scared but not as bad as Sam. She covers her eyes and watch from between her fingers. And from time to time she won't even watch and asked Bryan to tell her what has happen. It is so funny looking at them like that.

After the movie, we headed to Focus Point to get the new glasses. I had a hard time finding for the right one because the one that i wanted is no more there. sob sob... so i had to start from square 1. Going through every single one of them until i found one that suits my face. That pair of glasses is also in Sam's waiting list. I felt quite bad making her find a few more pair so that she can choose others. The fact is, there are so many pairs that suits her but for me there's only one. Hopefully she really really like the one that she chose in the end. At least the rest thought it suits me. I felt that it is nice on me but i don't really like the sides. I don't feel comfortable when i put it on. Nevertheless, it looks nice from the front. After choosing the glasses i had to go for the eye test because i wasn't sure of my current power. It took so long for the person to deal with it in the 'room'. Everyone was wondering what was i doing in the room with that dude..haha so funny. So after all that is done, after so long, we went around and sell the cockroach repellent thingy.

That is actually the first time i did direct-selling. Sam and i went in to every restaurant there is in summit and yet none of them want to buy. I didn't have much emotion after that but as for Sam, she is quite disappointed with the results. But we can't be too hard with ourselves on that. It's basically the first time that we are doing it. Gambateh!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and one more thing, my dad is in super good mood today. He let me out and not scold me at all when i return. And better still, he let me out for badminton tomorrow. How cool is that..! I wish he will stay that way for long but i doubt it. So that's it...will blog soon, with pictures of the glasses hopefully. Bye tc.

Unemployed..?!? FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally i have tendered my resignation today. I will be unemployed starting from next friday( my last day). I am a little sad that i am leaving but i have to for the sake of my studies.

Everything is going well today. NO quarreling going on. NO stress. And the plan of getting new glasses goes on as planned. Hopefully nothing disturbs it tomorrow. Me and Y.K.W. are fine again. Of course there are a bit of awkwardness still but we are doing fine. I am very embarrassed to face him actually after causing him so much problem. I am very thankful that he is not giving up on me.

Just can't wait for tomorrow. New glasses!!! hopefully i can find a nice pair that really suits me. If not, i won't get any. So basically that's all for today. Its better to keep it short and sweet. hahahah. bye tc...

love...are there anymore in me??

Lately i realize there are drastic changes in me. I might not be the same friendly person that everyone used to know. I might not even be that special someone that Y.K.W. might have known and love. I really don't know what is happening to me. I cant explain what is going on in my life and i don't know why i can hurt someone i cared for so badly. I don't know how else i can express my apology to those whom i have hurt. I feel so bad that i hurt a lot of people and yet i don't know how i can do such a thing. I really really am lost. I don't know where has the old Raymondo gone to.

Today i tried comforting Y.K.W. after i've done something wrong the night before. I went over to his home and he keep ignoring me. Then we head on to lunch but at that time i was a bit fed-up of him ignoring me so i ended up ignoring him too. Today's lunch was the most silent one that we ever had. I was happy that we finally sit down and lay down our problems so that we can settle it. Unfortunately, that wasn't the result of it. We both ended up even more disappointed and dejected with each other, well mostly he is disappointed in me for doubting him. I really really hope he understand what i am going through and stay strong for me. Even better, help me find "me" back and help me to learn how to love again.

So far the holidays have been sucky. I have plan to go out with Sam to get each of ourselves a pair of new glasses, but i guess that plan has to be abandoned. All my plans to loosen up my tense body during the holidays are being back-fired because of my "understanding" dad. He don't allow me to go out, not anywhere. His always say that there's no point of doing that. "Might as well you sit at home and study or rest" the usual thing that he always say. Come on, i will just be more tense if i am stuck at home all day long for 9 days. I keep standing up to him but no point. He wouldn't listen. He made me look like a small 7-year-old boy in front of my friends. Everything others can do i cant. I am about to lose it...i cant stand it anymore. I wish my life would be better even if it need to be ended, i don't mind. As long as i can break lose of this "jail house".

Yesterday was the first time i ever go to kl myself...on a bike. I went all the way to bangsar area to pick my bro. Actually i was force to go there but its ok. I didn't regret it. At least now i know how to get there myself. All this while i always follow my friends around but i can't seem to remember the way to anywhere except in usj area.

About my trip to bangsar, i went at around 11.30 p.m., that's when my bro called me to pick him up. I was freaking out actually but i had to go because there isn't anyone else to pick him. Therefore, i went on the bike and head on to bangsar. I roughly know which highway to use so i just follow the signboards till i reached bangsar area. Even so i still don't know how to get to the KL Sentral. Usually i go there by train and its so easy compared to going there with a bike. So i had to call my bro and ask for instructions. All that trouble i had to go through just to realize that the station is just meters away from where i was. I feel so useless at that time. come to think of it now, its hilarious. So thats all that happen since i last blogged..so take care. Will post soon bye..

hols...does it make any difference???

today, officially the holidays started but i don't find it very stress free. I just feel so stress living with my dad. I always feel that my every move is being watch and i don feel comfortable at all. Today, again, i stood up to him and blurted all that is in my mind. I can't even go out with my close friends without a curfew. i know i sounded like a spoil brat and my dad is just being a concern dad, but trust me my dad is one in a million. he only let me have like 2 hours with my friends even if my friends just came back from somewhere far or someone that i haven't seen for long. He is just so inconsiderate. I feel like living in a jail. So what if you have a house but be treated like that. Now holidays has started meaning i have to stay at home and face him more than ever. its not that i don't like being at home. It's just that he will just make my life a living hell. He will just find a way to annoy me. Lately i always quarrel with him about simple things but i just can't stand it. Thankfully i have Y.K.W. to be there when i need someone to talk to or when i just need someone to accompany me. i just want to say i love you for being such an understanding friend, even though i may be a little harsh on you at times but you still will listen to my problems. I thank you with all my heart. And to Kok Hong, thank for listening to my problems for over 8 years now. tc...

this morning was my late uncle's burial... i still can't believe it that i have lost my uncle. Despite all that sorrow, we still have to live on and try to be happy again. Lately i feel that i get angry, irritated and annoyed very quickly. Usually i won't feel annoyed or even affected by the insults from others. i may sometimes even insult back with 'benefits'. I don't really know what is going on with me. I feel very fatigue all the time, and even lost myself mentally and emotionally. Maybe it is cause by stress since exams is just around the corner.

Today in school, nothing really special happen. The whole class just reassure of the plan to skip school tomorrow and have a class outing. It has been awhile that we go out as a class. Besides, i think we need a break from all that studying and nagging from teachers. So the plan is on..we are going to skip school to play volleyball and futsal. I can't wait to play with them as this will be the first time i play volleyball and futsal with my classmates. It feel so weird and actually wasted that most of us only got closer towards the end of our schooling era. If only we would have open up to each other earlier then maybe we would be a class with stronger friendship bond.

In school, when i was about to enter the library, Pn Ung( discipline teacher) saw me without a tie from the block across. She immediately shouted at me and ask me to change my uniform to what the normal students are wearing. Actually i am glad to do so. i have always wanted to change to the normal student's uniform once i retire from being a prefect. It was she who didn't allow it at that time. Now look...if only she would have allow it earlier then she wouldn't have to yell at me or even make me hate her even more. So i am going to wear my old uniform starting from when school reopens.

So basically that's my day. Hopefully i am able to feel like myself again very soon. I am so tired of being so short tempered and always feeling tense. Just can't wait for tomorrow, just to enjoy and let lose of all the stress. so long....tc..

another death....:(

just posted a happy post and now my posts become sad again. this morning another person in my life is gone to another stage of life, death. my uncle, Raymond Chin, just passed away this morning and i only got the news at the afternoon after i got back from school. actually we already set our minds that he will leave us 1 day because he is suffering from cancer for quite some time already but we didn't expect it to be this soon.

its just a month ago that he visited us here in kl. we had dinners and luncheons together and even joke till late at night. we always try to keep him happy as we don't know when will he depart. i am overwhelmed by the situation right now because he is 1 of the uncle that actually cared for us here. even though we are not rich like others are. even though we are not as friendly or as close like the others are but he never forget us as his nephews. other uncles will only call us or sms us when there is something major going on like family gathering that all of us have to attend. but Uncle Raymond always cares. everytime we go back to Kuching, he will definitely invite us to his house even if its a short meeting but its the thought of it that counts. so what if you have all the money in the world if you don't even care for your family members.

but now, all that's left are just memories, bitter sweet memories. i am not able to get there for his funeral because of some complication and i really hope that he understands(wherever he is). i don give a damn if the rest feel that i don even care about him and his death because they don even want to care about us at our hard times. i really feel bad that i could not go to his funeral to pay him a last respect but i will pray for him here.

and i hope that his family members, Ruben, Leslie, Bradley, Mei Mei and Remy( the baby) will stay strong together and look out for each other. i really wish i could help them if i can but now i have to settle my own problems first before i can help them. let this be a lesson to us so that we will appreciate those who are around us. no matter how much our siblings annoy us, no matter how much our parents control us, just bare with it. after all we are still a family.

Olympics...!

here it comes again...the most entertaining games ever...The Olympic Games. i love sports, so i am enjoying every second of it. especially the volleyball and swimming(so far).. i have spent all my weekend being a couch potato and watch everything that happen in the Olympics. i know, i know i shud be studying and all...but its just so irresistible. its just me..when it comes to sport, i will just glue my eyes to the screen and not move till the commercials come on then i will go get a drink or something to snack on..if not i won't even move...not even for dinner. cant wait for the track and field to start...that is the moments or events that everyone is waiting for actually...so thats all that happen in my weekend...boring to some but not me...sport is everything to me...besides those with lives( friends and family).. ok now back to the sports...bye tc..

99 days... haih

starting from today, there's only 99 days left for my most major exam up to now, STPM. i am actually looking forward to that day..even so, there are some part of me that wanted these few days to last as long as they could as i am so not prepared yet..but i really cant stand the torture anymore...especially with zaini nagging and screeching her high pitch voice in class...i hate it...i hate it so much... my advice to those who wants to go form 6 in the future...think twice..no make it three times...and if can don go...its a suffering...most of us just want to get over it and just be free..and hope that uni life is better but i doubt so la...i am so sick of school and the system..anyways that all i got to say..have a great day ahead...chaoz...

stress lar....!!!!

this is 1 word for my day....stress.... i just have so many things happening...i haven't any time to finish my notes.... then my family's problem is getting worst... and some of my closest friend is hurt bcoz of these problem...indirectly...

i so hate it when i am so pressured and yet other ppl keep forcing me to do things that i don wan to... why must i always make ppl feel good while i am not... i am so sick of it..sick of making ppl feel nice but i cant feel good myself...why is that so...is that my fate...am i fated to be a counselor that cant comfort himself or something like that...i really need my friends to understand my situation...i wont tell my problems out so easily but i hope my friends will just be there for me and understand my situation.... bcoz to them...i am just a clown who like to make fun of everything... but i want to stop being a clown...not that i want to stop making ppl happy...but at least be happy with them...hopefully someone can find happiness for me to keep...haih...miss spending time with my friends...

aiyo....

finally!!!!!!!!! after days of not going online...haih...i have been so busy studying and attending to matters for the past few days...i am so happy to actually touch the comp again...haha.. these are the things that happen for these few days....i went to watch "the dark knight"...i had lunch with my friends and i had 'diarrhoea'...

the movie was fantastic... it was disturbing but still very entertaining... i love the joker... heath is so good at acting...he really is the joker in the movie...there isn't anything heath about that character and yet he pulled it off...but sadly he is no longer with us... and batman in the movie is so hot...he is really the macho kinda guy that every1 expect batman to be...in that movie i just hate 1 person only...which is 'rachel'...she is such a bitch man... if she is in front of me i will scold her until she cry man( if i can la) she shud be the 2 face in the movie...haih...anyways just go and watch it if u haven't...i promise u this movie is worth watching...

i am still suffering from diarrhoea...the reason y i put inverted comas for diarrhoea becoz i am not really sure it can be called that...i don have to go detail with that...but this incident created history inmy life...this is the first time i actually go to the school toilet and have "major business"... not really proud of it but...wat to do....so now i am recovering i hope...and i will try to blog more so that u all can keep track of my life....haha ( perasan )... anyways...thx for reading..bye..tc