hey dear,
i cant say enough of these words as i cant show them to you anymore. i love u.
i have given up trying to win u back because it always back fires. i initiate anything and it would work. i try to ask u out but u r always busy with ur friends. i tried sms but u don really want to reply. i wanted to call but i know that even if u answer. i would be the one that u want to speak to.
to u i am just a past. i am ur first and that's it. nothing more than that. but to me, u are the greatest thing that happen in my life emotionally. i have not felt love this way. i have not met anyone that is like u and i will not meet anyone like u ever. but all i can say is that i will always love u. regardless of anything that happen. i wish u all the best in life and most of all... is for u to have love. let the new person appreciate u and love u more than i do. so that u can live happily with that person. its not that i am giving up on us. i will nvr give up even mysterious person knows it. but for now, i will have to let u go and live ur life. i want u to have great bdays from now on. i want u to celebrate all the days that are important to u. i do wish that i could celebrate my important days with u. but only if u want to. i couldnt feel u anymore. and u know that i would give up my all for u to love me again. but if u say no. i will have to respect ur decisions. i will just have to keep my love in me for as long as i can. and hope that 1 day u will redeem them for urself.
i may be seeing someone but just so u know my love for u is just too great. i will be ur guardian angel. i will be there for u when others are not. but only if u let me be there. if u don call i cant come even if i am just right beside u. take care my dear. u were, are and going to be dear to me forever!!! nothing will ever change that... ever!!!
love,
your dear that failed...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
its too difficult... i cant take it anymore....
after so long after the break up, i am still so in love with u. why is that so? aren't love suppose to fade like ur love for me?? i feel so tortured. everyday i have to put on a mask just to show ppl that i am ok. but the fact is i am not.
i felt like this is not a break up at all because in my heart, we are like family already. and this felt like a divorce instead. now that i think of it. it made sense now that all the morning smses is not replied at all. and when i ask u, u said that there is nothing to reply. and for months u only replied sms with questions. have it ever crossed ur mind to talk about it so that we can work things out? i guess not. that's why we are here now right.. and everytime i end the calls with "i love u" u will just reply "ah" and "ehm". have u ever thought of telling me the truth? what happen to being honest? i know i haven't really been honest to u. but my love for u is the most honest thing i can give u. i dunno what is going on with my life now. i really don't.
now i am so afraid to even sms u. everyday i felt like sending u an sms to show that i still care but i cant because i do not want to spoil ur day. as i know my sms is gonna make u feel disgusted, unlike sms from the other friends of urs. when i know there is a possibility of someone else getting u, it hurts me even more. i keep telling myself, its over and forget about it. but i cant. everything i do i will think of u. every other person that sms me and try to flirt, i will reply coldly. because i just cant. i cant hurt any other ppl as i know i only love u alone. i cant pretend to like them and hurt them because i know how hurt is the heart when its broken. i myself cant bare the hurt. everyday i pray so that everyone is being honest to u, they do not lie to u or even hurt u. but thats all i could do from now on. that time when i called u when u had an emo post on msn, i was thought about it alot of times, weather or not to call. but i finally said to myself, pride is nothing when it comes to comforting u. i just felt like u need someone to talk to u. even though i know that u have other friends to comfort u but i still want to be one of them.
i dunno if u still feel that i am being fake. when u told me the attention u received from me is fake. i felt like a lost soul. i really do. i feel like i have given my all and yet it is fake. and to see u smile when u get sms from ur other friends and an sms from me is only gonna make u angry, how do u think i would feel? i had been sad for u, i had been angry about the things that u have done to me when we were together... but thats not enough to kill the love i have for u. even though u don forgive me for wat i have done. u don even want to say that u forgive me when i ask for forgiveness. but i will forgive u for all the things u have hid from me. for all the things that u have done wrong to me even the break up. i forgive u for all that. and i pray that u will have a good life and that God will guide u through ur degree and that u will past with flying colours.
i would tell u all this myself but i am too afraid to talk to u or even sms u like this. so i will just post it here in my blog, if u read it then good. but if not its ok. at least u will someday know that i have said this before. take good care of yourself. and i will always always love u till the end of my life. not even if there is a new person in my life can take away the love i have for u. u r the one love for me....
i felt like this is not a break up at all because in my heart, we are like family already. and this felt like a divorce instead. now that i think of it. it made sense now that all the morning smses is not replied at all. and when i ask u, u said that there is nothing to reply. and for months u only replied sms with questions. have it ever crossed ur mind to talk about it so that we can work things out? i guess not. that's why we are here now right.. and everytime i end the calls with "i love u" u will just reply "ah" and "ehm". have u ever thought of telling me the truth? what happen to being honest? i know i haven't really been honest to u. but my love for u is the most honest thing i can give u. i dunno what is going on with my life now. i really don't.
now i am so afraid to even sms u. everyday i felt like sending u an sms to show that i still care but i cant because i do not want to spoil ur day. as i know my sms is gonna make u feel disgusted, unlike sms from the other friends of urs. when i know there is a possibility of someone else getting u, it hurts me even more. i keep telling myself, its over and forget about it. but i cant. everything i do i will think of u. every other person that sms me and try to flirt, i will reply coldly. because i just cant. i cant hurt any other ppl as i know i only love u alone. i cant pretend to like them and hurt them because i know how hurt is the heart when its broken. i myself cant bare the hurt. everyday i pray so that everyone is being honest to u, they do not lie to u or even hurt u. but thats all i could do from now on. that time when i called u when u had an emo post on msn, i was thought about it alot of times, weather or not to call. but i finally said to myself, pride is nothing when it comes to comforting u. i just felt like u need someone to talk to u. even though i know that u have other friends to comfort u but i still want to be one of them.
i dunno if u still feel that i am being fake. when u told me the attention u received from me is fake. i felt like a lost soul. i really do. i feel like i have given my all and yet it is fake. and to see u smile when u get sms from ur other friends and an sms from me is only gonna make u angry, how do u think i would feel? i had been sad for u, i had been angry about the things that u have done to me when we were together... but thats not enough to kill the love i have for u. even though u don forgive me for wat i have done. u don even want to say that u forgive me when i ask for forgiveness. but i will forgive u for all the things u have hid from me. for all the things that u have done wrong to me even the break up. i forgive u for all that. and i pray that u will have a good life and that God will guide u through ur degree and that u will past with flying colours.
i would tell u all this myself but i am too afraid to talk to u or even sms u like this. so i will just post it here in my blog, if u read it then good. but if not its ok. at least u will someday know that i have said this before. take good care of yourself. and i will always always love u till the end of my life. not even if there is a new person in my life can take away the love i have for u. u r the one love for me....
Saturday, October 10, 2009
after 3 weeks
after 3 weeks i really thought i could make u feel, i could make u think about us, or even give us another chance....
but apparently not...
i have always loved u and always will till the very last minute of that feeling.. love will definitely fade because it is not nurtured... to tell u the truth. i really love u more and more each day after break up... i fall for u every other day that i see u or i read about u... but i know u were so hurt by me that u wouldnt give me any chance at all.. i just want u to know.. i love and care for u... and it hurt me the most not because u don love me... is that u don wanna give chance for us... i went drinking and swimming in the middle of the night with my friends, thinking that i am over u... i certainly am not... but to help me forget u... i will do anything possible.. because u are my first and only real love for now... and i know its karma that i hits me now... and i will treat everyone the same now... i cant believe that u are so heartless to do wat u do to me... to see me hurt and yet not comfort me... i think u really deserve someone else... someone that could show u how i really feel when u leave me... someone that could show u how is real love like... i couldnt hold on anymore...
i will always love u my dear RLGQ... always... u have a room in my heart that i will keep for u... and when i die i will testify about ur love for me... how great it was while it lasted... i hope u too...
but apparently not...
i have always loved u and always will till the very last minute of that feeling.. love will definitely fade because it is not nurtured... to tell u the truth. i really love u more and more each day after break up... i fall for u every other day that i see u or i read about u... but i know u were so hurt by me that u wouldnt give me any chance at all.. i just want u to know.. i love and care for u... and it hurt me the most not because u don love me... is that u don wanna give chance for us... i went drinking and swimming in the middle of the night with my friends, thinking that i am over u... i certainly am not... but to help me forget u... i will do anything possible.. because u are my first and only real love for now... and i know its karma that i hits me now... and i will treat everyone the same now... i cant believe that u are so heartless to do wat u do to me... to see me hurt and yet not comfort me... i think u really deserve someone else... someone that could show u how i really feel when u leave me... someone that could show u how is real love like... i couldnt hold on anymore...
i will always love u my dear RLGQ... always... u have a room in my heart that i will keep for u... and when i die i will testify about ur love for me... how great it was while it lasted... i hope u too...
Friday, October 2, 2009
adakah salah cintaku??
cinta... apa itu cinta??? adakah cinta itu satu permainan antara dua insan yang bosan? adakah cinta itu hanya satu perkataan yang kita lafazkan apabila kita gembira? bolehkah cinta itu wujud dalam geram, marah dan sedih.....?
cintaku padamu tidak pernah padam. sehingga kini, cintaku padamu tetap ada di hati. setiap kali ku melihat telefonku, membuat apa yang kita selalu lakukan, aku hanya teringatkan kau. aku tidak menafikan bahawa cinta diantara kita sudah tidak sama. tapi, masihkah ada cinta untukku?? masihkah ada sayang untukku? itulah persoalan yang sering berkumandang didalam fikiranku. terus terang ku katakan, harapan untukmu kembali didalam hidupku tetap membara dalam hati yang luka ini.
ku rasa sangat terseksa. walaupun ku masih mencintaimu dan menyayangimu, aku tidak dapat menunjukkan kasih dan sayang itu kepadamu. sering kali ku berbuat begitu, kau hanya akan lebih membenciku. pabila ku melihat kawan baru yang kau ada di dalam "facebook" ku rasa resah. aku rasa kau sudah berubah. kau tidak pernah akan berkawan dengan orang orang yang begitu. tidak pernah sama sekali.
kau berjanji jika ada sayang dan cintamu padaku, kau akan kembali dalam hidupku. tapi pernahkah kau inginkan itu. didalam hatiku, ku tahu kau tidak pernah berfikir untuk kembali. jika kau pernah berfikir untuk kembali, kau tidak akan melakukan apa yang kau lakukan sekarang. kau akan biarkan dirimu jauh dari "buaya=buaya" di luar sana. aku ingin melindungmu dari mereka kerana ku tahu apa yang diinginkan mereka. tapi ku tidak boleh bersuara, kerana inilah jalan hidupmu dan kesalahan ini harus dilakukan dirimu sendiri agar kau mampu sedar dari mimpi mimpi mu ini.
jujur ku katakan, ku masih mencinta, menyayang dan ingin berada di sampingmu. namun kebenarannya, kau tidak akan kembali padaku. betapa bodohnya ku rasa pabila ku sedar. ku disini berharap untuk kita kembali bersatu. dan kau disana, tidak terlintas difikiranmu itu walau sekalipun yang kau ingin kembali. jika kau ingin kembali kau sudah lama kembali. aku ingin melindungimu dari semua bahaya, tapi ku tidak dibenarkan. jika ku tahu apa-apa yang terjadi kepada orang kesayanganku akan ku jadi bingung buat selamanya.
walaupun hampir dua minggu tiada di sampingmu, ku masih merindukan kamu dengan sepenuh jiwa dan ragaku. ku masih mencintai dirimu dengan sepenuh hatiku. hari-hariku sudah tidak sama. semua orang disekellingku merasakan yang sama. namun apa boleh ku buat??? hanya berharap...... semua kekawanku menasihati supaya ku berhenti berharap, ini sahaja balasanku kepada mereka. "kau tidak akan faham mengapa ku tidak ingin melepaskannya. pabila kau menemui seseorang yang kau merasakan itulah orangnya, kau tidak akan lepaskan."
RLGQ, aku mencintai dan menyayangimu buat selama-lamanya. kaulah ilhamku, motivasiku dan syurgaku.
cintaku padamu tidak pernah padam. sehingga kini, cintaku padamu tetap ada di hati. setiap kali ku melihat telefonku, membuat apa yang kita selalu lakukan, aku hanya teringatkan kau. aku tidak menafikan bahawa cinta diantara kita sudah tidak sama. tapi, masihkah ada cinta untukku?? masihkah ada sayang untukku? itulah persoalan yang sering berkumandang didalam fikiranku. terus terang ku katakan, harapan untukmu kembali didalam hidupku tetap membara dalam hati yang luka ini.
ku rasa sangat terseksa. walaupun ku masih mencintaimu dan menyayangimu, aku tidak dapat menunjukkan kasih dan sayang itu kepadamu. sering kali ku berbuat begitu, kau hanya akan lebih membenciku. pabila ku melihat kawan baru yang kau ada di dalam "facebook" ku rasa resah. aku rasa kau sudah berubah. kau tidak pernah akan berkawan dengan orang orang yang begitu. tidak pernah sama sekali.
kau berjanji jika ada sayang dan cintamu padaku, kau akan kembali dalam hidupku. tapi pernahkah kau inginkan itu. didalam hatiku, ku tahu kau tidak pernah berfikir untuk kembali. jika kau pernah berfikir untuk kembali, kau tidak akan melakukan apa yang kau lakukan sekarang. kau akan biarkan dirimu jauh dari "buaya=buaya" di luar sana. aku ingin melindungmu dari mereka kerana ku tahu apa yang diinginkan mereka. tapi ku tidak boleh bersuara, kerana inilah jalan hidupmu dan kesalahan ini harus dilakukan dirimu sendiri agar kau mampu sedar dari mimpi mimpi mu ini.
jujur ku katakan, ku masih mencinta, menyayang dan ingin berada di sampingmu. namun kebenarannya, kau tidak akan kembali padaku. betapa bodohnya ku rasa pabila ku sedar. ku disini berharap untuk kita kembali bersatu. dan kau disana, tidak terlintas difikiranmu itu walau sekalipun yang kau ingin kembali. jika kau ingin kembali kau sudah lama kembali. aku ingin melindungimu dari semua bahaya, tapi ku tidak dibenarkan. jika ku tahu apa-apa yang terjadi kepada orang kesayanganku akan ku jadi bingung buat selamanya.
walaupun hampir dua minggu tiada di sampingmu, ku masih merindukan kamu dengan sepenuh jiwa dan ragaku. ku masih mencintai dirimu dengan sepenuh hatiku. hari-hariku sudah tidak sama. semua orang disekellingku merasakan yang sama. namun apa boleh ku buat??? hanya berharap...... semua kekawanku menasihati supaya ku berhenti berharap, ini sahaja balasanku kepada mereka. "kau tidak akan faham mengapa ku tidak ingin melepaskannya. pabila kau menemui seseorang yang kau merasakan itulah orangnya, kau tidak akan lepaskan."
RLGQ, aku mencintai dan menyayangimu buat selama-lamanya. kaulah ilhamku, motivasiku dan syurgaku.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
9th day has come...and i am still hoping
ytd was suppose to meet HIM for lunch but HE already eaten. i thought maybe we don have to meet la since HE already had lunch. so i ask if HE still want to go out with me. HE said yes. we went to have the rojak that HE has always promised to bring me. although HE didnt eat, but i felt so happy sitting next to HIM and eat the food that we always wanted to eat together. although now we are just friends but to me HE is so sweet to still come out and teman me. I HOPE AFTER READING THIS HE WON'T RESTRAIN HIMSELF TO NOT SEE ME EVER, NOT EVEN ON NORMAL FRIENDS OUTING.
then we head on to SP to get his phone. i can see it in HIS eyes that he really wanted to get that phone. and when HE really got it, HE was so happy and HIS eyes just glow. I personally was not enjoying myself at all. being with him physically but emotionally not there. it hurt me so bad to be there but feel lost at the same time. but all i want is to see HIM smile again. and that is why i lend him some money first to get his phone. i know for a fact if i say don have to return, he will not ever accept. and i know that i only would like to have my DEAR to return...not the cash. but who am i kidding. dreams are meant to be dreams.
we talk so much about whatever we felt like talking. and yes i only could talk about US, US and US. i only want him to remember all the sweet events that we have been through. and i keep telling him things. and at one point, i know for a fact that i really do love him. i know he can really feel. my friends told me, why are u still waiting for HIM? why are u sacrificing so much for HIM? and all i can say to them is.... u don know HIm and u don know my love for him is how deep... u all don know how much we have been through together... how much tears have been shed... how much laughter that has been heard... how much anger that we had blasted on each other... but all that emotions lets me know that HE still care. but right now at this moment... there is nothing at all from HIM. its like as though HE was dreaming for past 2 years and now HE is awake and all that was a dream. HE told me he is very curious and wants to try everything. then i started thinking, did HE even started with me as a curious move. did he really fell for me??? did HE really had a crush on me before. i started being paranoid. and then there is this moment i saw a msg in his phone by accident.. and it reads: i need you.... i changed... my face turned black.. i could care less about the ending. i could care less about who sent it... the only think i know is that i am super jealous about it.. i hope he knows i am jealous because he is really important to me and i don want him to get hurt ever again. ever.....
i went to work... had a lot of beer.. started acting crazy... and when i came back.. i almost killed myself because of the beer.. but i kept thinking of how i have to live so that i have a chance to love HIM and be loved by HIM again... and i got home safely... i know it sounded cheeky... it sounded like some hong kong drama.. But let me tell you this.. ITS ALL REAL... i am not making up stories to make it look interesting. this is what i felt and this is wat i am going to bloog about... everything i go through in the absence of RLGQ. a very very very important person in my life.. i want HIM to know that i am not useless, stupid and that i am very loving and caring towards HIM. and all i can do now is to let him REALIZE it by HIMSELF. and i will not live for him but i will live for me and hope that he will one day reunite with me so that we can live for US.
ps: SLY so much
then we head on to SP to get his phone. i can see it in HIS eyes that he really wanted to get that phone. and when HE really got it, HE was so happy and HIS eyes just glow. I personally was not enjoying myself at all. being with him physically but emotionally not there. it hurt me so bad to be there but feel lost at the same time. but all i want is to see HIM smile again. and that is why i lend him some money first to get his phone. i know for a fact if i say don have to return, he will not ever accept. and i know that i only would like to have my DEAR to return...not the cash. but who am i kidding. dreams are meant to be dreams.
we talk so much about whatever we felt like talking. and yes i only could talk about US, US and US. i only want him to remember all the sweet events that we have been through. and i keep telling him things. and at one point, i know for a fact that i really do love him. i know he can really feel. my friends told me, why are u still waiting for HIM? why are u sacrificing so much for HIM? and all i can say to them is.... u don know HIm and u don know my love for him is how deep... u all don know how much we have been through together... how much tears have been shed... how much laughter that has been heard... how much anger that we had blasted on each other... but all that emotions lets me know that HE still care. but right now at this moment... there is nothing at all from HIM. its like as though HE was dreaming for past 2 years and now HE is awake and all that was a dream. HE told me he is very curious and wants to try everything. then i started thinking, did HE even started with me as a curious move. did he really fell for me??? did HE really had a crush on me before. i started being paranoid. and then there is this moment i saw a msg in his phone by accident.. and it reads: i need you.... i changed... my face turned black.. i could care less about the ending. i could care less about who sent it... the only think i know is that i am super jealous about it.. i hope he knows i am jealous because he is really important to me and i don want him to get hurt ever again. ever.....
i went to work... had a lot of beer.. started acting crazy... and when i came back.. i almost killed myself because of the beer.. but i kept thinking of how i have to live so that i have a chance to love HIM and be loved by HIM again... and i got home safely... i know it sounded cheeky... it sounded like some hong kong drama.. But let me tell you this.. ITS ALL REAL... i am not making up stories to make it look interesting. this is what i felt and this is wat i am going to bloog about... everything i go through in the absence of RLGQ. a very very very important person in my life.. i want HIM to know that i am not useless, stupid and that i am very loving and caring towards HIM. and all i can do now is to let him REALIZE it by HIMSELF. and i will not live for him but i will live for me and hope that he will one day reunite with me so that we can live for US.
ps: SLY so much
Saturday, September 26, 2009
8th day But Still Loving....
nothing really happened yesterday. as usual i sms and call him just to let him know that i am still here for him. and as usual the reply wouldn't come back as how i wanted which is fine with me. i know that he received my sms is good enough for me. he has always thought that we started off so sweet together and we just grew more and more dull when it comes to sms and calls.. no more lovey dovey sweet talk.. i really missed that. and he told me that he still keeps the sms-es that meant alot to him. i am really glad to know that. but he is going to change his phone soon because the old phone is giving a lot of problem to him. he cant communicate with his friends at all..
i really wanted to help him get the phone that he wanted, but obviously he wouldnt let me. if i have enough money i wouldn't let him know and just buy him that phone but all i can afford is to come out with half of the amount. and he said no, just let him ask his mother, and i said fine but if he needed help he know where to get me.
then calvin msg me on msn. asking me to meet up with him and just spill the stories to them.. especially andrew. andrew has always been jealous about how loving and understanding RLGQ and i were. but unfortunately it just has to stop. i am still loving and understanding towards him its just that he is not the same person that loves me. at least i don't feel his love. but i still want to think that he still loves me its just that he don't wanna show it.
after crying and telling them the sad story of my life ( boo-hoo), all they can say is just be strong. they told me that they wouldn't want to give me false hope but just be strong and wait if i feel that waiting is worth it. i definitely feel that this is so worth it. i could wait for as long as i want if the thing i am waiting for is the love of my life. nvr in a million years i thought of leaving or giving up on this relationship.
after all that drama, i went back home. as usual when i am at home all i could think of is MR RIGHT... and i tried sms and calls but i know he is still in class... come 5.30pm i called and ask him what is he gonna do later on after class. he just told me he would be going to SP and just be with his friends. then i ask him exactly what he wants to do, and he told me have dinner, buy shirt and get another piercing. he knows for a fact that i wouldn't like him to pierce but i would accept and support him if he really wants to pierce. thats all i could tell him, i said think it through but if u really want to pierce go ahead, i really would support.
then comes night time, happily chatting with all of my friends who were online. talking crap basically because they wouldn't want to remind me of the sadness. after chatting for so long i got an sms. its an invitation sms to play basketball in the night time. frankly, i am very reluctant to go. and then my friends told me you have to get out there. you have to do everything even if you like it or not. so i accepted the invite and went. although i suck at bball but i had at least a moment too sweat out the negativity. then after bball session, i sms RLGQ and ask if he got the piercing and where is his location. he replied he got it and it was more pain compared to the lobe and i was confuse because when he replied it was awhile after that. i tried calling him to ask what the sms meant then i realize the meaning after reading what i have sent. i ask him if i could meet him. i just felt like every special events or at least non-common events i wish to spend it with him and i wish he could spend time with me if my day was special. when i saw him, i couldn't take my eyes off the pierced ear because of how red it was and when he hit the couch and just shout a little, it hurt me to know that he is in pain. but then after that we talked about me and what i did and he about what he did. it was fun talking to him again. although we are on different couches but talking to him again meant alot. and just by talking you get to know so much. when i decided to leave at about 1.30am, i ask him for a hug. and that hug was so precious to me. it really was. although it wasn't the same but i really cherish every moment i get to spend with him.
today i will be having lunch with him and i cant wait for it to come... i really want him to know that i really miss him and the time that we are apart is making me realize how much i really love him and i know that time made me realize and made my love for him grow even more. i will give my all to make things right. i will try to be there as often as i could. i would juggle my work life and personal.. and i will wait for that day to happen.. i will definitely wait for that day to happen, the happiest day of my life....
i really wanted to help him get the phone that he wanted, but obviously he wouldnt let me. if i have enough money i wouldn't let him know and just buy him that phone but all i can afford is to come out with half of the amount. and he said no, just let him ask his mother, and i said fine but if he needed help he know where to get me.
then calvin msg me on msn. asking me to meet up with him and just spill the stories to them.. especially andrew. andrew has always been jealous about how loving and understanding RLGQ and i were. but unfortunately it just has to stop. i am still loving and understanding towards him its just that he is not the same person that loves me. at least i don't feel his love. but i still want to think that he still loves me its just that he don't wanna show it.
after crying and telling them the sad story of my life ( boo-hoo), all they can say is just be strong. they told me that they wouldn't want to give me false hope but just be strong and wait if i feel that waiting is worth it. i definitely feel that this is so worth it. i could wait for as long as i want if the thing i am waiting for is the love of my life. nvr in a million years i thought of leaving or giving up on this relationship.
after all that drama, i went back home. as usual when i am at home all i could think of is MR RIGHT... and i tried sms and calls but i know he is still in class... come 5.30pm i called and ask him what is he gonna do later on after class. he just told me he would be going to SP and just be with his friends. then i ask him exactly what he wants to do, and he told me have dinner, buy shirt and get another piercing. he knows for a fact that i wouldn't like him to pierce but i would accept and support him if he really wants to pierce. thats all i could tell him, i said think it through but if u really want to pierce go ahead, i really would support.
then comes night time, happily chatting with all of my friends who were online. talking crap basically because they wouldn't want to remind me of the sadness. after chatting for so long i got an sms. its an invitation sms to play basketball in the night time. frankly, i am very reluctant to go. and then my friends told me you have to get out there. you have to do everything even if you like it or not. so i accepted the invite and went. although i suck at bball but i had at least a moment too sweat out the negativity. then after bball session, i sms RLGQ and ask if he got the piercing and where is his location. he replied he got it and it was more pain compared to the lobe and i was confuse because when he replied it was awhile after that. i tried calling him to ask what the sms meant then i realize the meaning after reading what i have sent. i ask him if i could meet him. i just felt like every special events or at least non-common events i wish to spend it with him and i wish he could spend time with me if my day was special. when i saw him, i couldn't take my eyes off the pierced ear because of how red it was and when he hit the couch and just shout a little, it hurt me to know that he is in pain. but then after that we talked about me and what i did and he about what he did. it was fun talking to him again. although we are on different couches but talking to him again meant alot. and just by talking you get to know so much. when i decided to leave at about 1.30am, i ask him for a hug. and that hug was so precious to me. it really was. although it wasn't the same but i really cherish every moment i get to spend with him.
today i will be having lunch with him and i cant wait for it to come... i really want him to know that i really miss him and the time that we are apart is making me realize how much i really love him and i know that time made me realize and made my love for him grow even more. i will give my all to make things right. i will try to be there as often as i could. i would juggle my work life and personal.. and i will wait for that day to happen.. i will definitely wait for that day to happen, the happiest day of my life....
Friday, September 25, 2009
7th day without RLGQ
as you can see that the title of the post and the post itself doesnt match... the title is a count and the post is about the things that happen the day before... technically this is a post about the 6th day...
i woke up in the morning and i couldn't go back to sleep. and i tried so hard to not call RLGQ. i did... all of my friends said to me that if i keep calling.. i will not be able to live my life... but after thinking for a long time, i figured that i love him too much.. i don care what he does to me... i don care how he feels for me.. i will just call and listen to his voice..
at first, i felt bad for calling him in the morning. he told me that he was still tired and that he wants to rest. then i told him, i know u're going through alot with all the assignments and all... just rest its ok.. i don really have to talk to him.. besides, even if he talks to me, it will just be "erm" and "ah" because he was just too tired...
i went downstairs after that and tried to just forget the fact that i want to see him so much.. but i couldn't. i called him again half an hour later.. i told him to let me send him to college and he agreed but he said to let him rest awhile more... he asked me to call him back to wake him at about 9 am. and that's what i did.
after i have called him, i went and got myself ready and head on to his house. i rang the bell with so much anxiety in me. and when his maid open the door and let me in, all i could think of is not to offend him and respect him as a person. his maid insist on me going up to his room to wait. as much as i wanted to, i know that there are boundaries. i waited in the living hall for maybe about 5-10 minutes. when he came down, it felt like as if we are going for a prom date and i looked at him with such glow in my eyes. i just looked. but i grew afraid and just looked back at wherever i was looking in the first place which is the coffee table. then he went and style his hair and came out so good looking. i realize how much i regretted not telling him the truth. he use to ask me how he looked and i will just give him a grin and say " oklah". and all he could say is sorry to keep me waiting on. and what i replied is i don mind. it is i who came earlier and wanted to wait.
on the way to college, we head to breakfast first. whilst in the car, he told me about a weird experience he had watching movie with his friends. and i just listen. because i choose to listen, i realize how much i know by just listening. i felt so happy that i finally learnt how to just listen and don cut ppl short. then i pop in a question about movies. i ask " which are his favourite movies this year?" and sadly all the movies he chose was the ones that he watched with his friends not me. i guess i don't really know how to choose a movie. then i told him mine was 'up'. i watched that movie with him. its one of our last movies together before the break up. i was really touched by the love the couple had in the movie. although it may seem fake to have a love so strong. but deep in my heart i know that it is possible. i teared watching that movie. and everytime i think of that day, i will remember his hand wiping of the tears from my face..
then i sent him off to college after breakfast. of course during breakfast we talked. i told him a few things that happen to me these past few days and he told me whatever he wanted to tell. but mostly he will just keep quiet. yesterday, i know something new about him. that his favourite chinese drama of all time is "cheong mou kei" and i liked that drama too. see how much i learn from listening??
after sending him to college i head on to work for a course. a course that relates so much to him. its psychology at work place. we learn how to manage stress and also help to keep our mind off certain, not important stress...and i think to myself.. why only now that i learn how to do all these... and all i could think of is him.. as usual.
after heading home from work, i met up with nicole. we talked about me and RLGQ. and we sang our hearts out all the songs we knew just to get my mind off him for just that moment. but it was obviously a failed attemp. and all i can say to nicole is to let me wait. let me do whatever i want to do. but i told her to just be there for me if ever i need her...
when i came back home, alli could think of is to go online and see if he is there so that i could chat with him. but he wasnt. he was asleep. i was happy that he is asleep. at least he is having a rest from all the dramas of live.
then i saw someone really important in our lives online. i chatted with him and i finally know the truth. i knew that although this person may seem out of our lives, he is in fact very in our lives. he knew how much i love RLGQ, how much i care and also how much i still love. i felt happy that i finally get to open up to him... felt so relieved yesterday. to know how much he supports me in this situation. and to know how much he knew about whats going on. that is really a surprise to me. he understood every single thing i said. its like as though he has a book or story that tells about the love i have and also the difficulties that RLGQ and i faced in our relationship. i feel that if ever RLGQ talked to this person, he will understand whats going on and he wouldn't be too stressed up.
all i can say i had a good night sleep. and that i woke up so early in the morning is not to tell everyone i am still stress or cant sleep. its just that i don really need a lot of sleep anymore. i just feel like live is more than just sleep, work and eat. lastly i want to say i still am loving YOU from the bottom of my heart. and know that i am still here waiting for YOU whenever YOU want to come to me for anything at all, you know how to get me. I LOVE YOU!!!!
i woke up in the morning and i couldn't go back to sleep. and i tried so hard to not call RLGQ. i did... all of my friends said to me that if i keep calling.. i will not be able to live my life... but after thinking for a long time, i figured that i love him too much.. i don care what he does to me... i don care how he feels for me.. i will just call and listen to his voice..
at first, i felt bad for calling him in the morning. he told me that he was still tired and that he wants to rest. then i told him, i know u're going through alot with all the assignments and all... just rest its ok.. i don really have to talk to him.. besides, even if he talks to me, it will just be "erm" and "ah" because he was just too tired...
i went downstairs after that and tried to just forget the fact that i want to see him so much.. but i couldn't. i called him again half an hour later.. i told him to let me send him to college and he agreed but he said to let him rest awhile more... he asked me to call him back to wake him at about 9 am. and that's what i did.
after i have called him, i went and got myself ready and head on to his house. i rang the bell with so much anxiety in me. and when his maid open the door and let me in, all i could think of is not to offend him and respect him as a person. his maid insist on me going up to his room to wait. as much as i wanted to, i know that there are boundaries. i waited in the living hall for maybe about 5-10 minutes. when he came down, it felt like as if we are going for a prom date and i looked at him with such glow in my eyes. i just looked. but i grew afraid and just looked back at wherever i was looking in the first place which is the coffee table. then he went and style his hair and came out so good looking. i realize how much i regretted not telling him the truth. he use to ask me how he looked and i will just give him a grin and say " oklah". and all he could say is sorry to keep me waiting on. and what i replied is i don mind. it is i who came earlier and wanted to wait.
on the way to college, we head to breakfast first. whilst in the car, he told me about a weird experience he had watching movie with his friends. and i just listen. because i choose to listen, i realize how much i know by just listening. i felt so happy that i finally learnt how to just listen and don cut ppl short. then i pop in a question about movies. i ask " which are his favourite movies this year?" and sadly all the movies he chose was the ones that he watched with his friends not me. i guess i don't really know how to choose a movie. then i told him mine was 'up'. i watched that movie with him. its one of our last movies together before the break up. i was really touched by the love the couple had in the movie. although it may seem fake to have a love so strong. but deep in my heart i know that it is possible. i teared watching that movie. and everytime i think of that day, i will remember his hand wiping of the tears from my face..
then i sent him off to college after breakfast. of course during breakfast we talked. i told him a few things that happen to me these past few days and he told me whatever he wanted to tell. but mostly he will just keep quiet. yesterday, i know something new about him. that his favourite chinese drama of all time is "cheong mou kei" and i liked that drama too. see how much i learn from listening??
after sending him to college i head on to work for a course. a course that relates so much to him. its psychology at work place. we learn how to manage stress and also help to keep our mind off certain, not important stress...and i think to myself.. why only now that i learn how to do all these... and all i could think of is him.. as usual.
after heading home from work, i met up with nicole. we talked about me and RLGQ. and we sang our hearts out all the songs we knew just to get my mind off him for just that moment. but it was obviously a failed attemp. and all i can say to nicole is to let me wait. let me do whatever i want to do. but i told her to just be there for me if ever i need her...
when i came back home, alli could think of is to go online and see if he is there so that i could chat with him. but he wasnt. he was asleep. i was happy that he is asleep. at least he is having a rest from all the dramas of live.
then i saw someone really important in our lives online. i chatted with him and i finally know the truth. i knew that although this person may seem out of our lives, he is in fact very in our lives. he knew how much i love RLGQ, how much i care and also how much i still love. i felt happy that i finally get to open up to him... felt so relieved yesterday. to know how much he supports me in this situation. and to know how much he knew about whats going on. that is really a surprise to me. he understood every single thing i said. its like as though he has a book or story that tells about the love i have and also the difficulties that RLGQ and i faced in our relationship. i feel that if ever RLGQ talked to this person, he will understand whats going on and he wouldn't be too stressed up.
all i can say i had a good night sleep. and that i woke up so early in the morning is not to tell everyone i am still stress or cant sleep. its just that i don really need a lot of sleep anymore. i just feel like live is more than just sleep, work and eat. lastly i want to say i still am loving YOU from the bottom of my heart. and know that i am still here waiting for YOU whenever YOU want to come to me for anything at all, you know how to get me. I LOVE YOU!!!!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
6th day without RLGQ
yesterday all my friends asked me out. and i thought, wat for.. i am depressed and i will only make them depressed as well... then they keep on persisting on meeting me. and i thought oklah... just go.. there is no harm in meeting them... besides... i am suffering at home...
firstly, i met up with danica... i knew that she is always there for me as i have for her... even though we had big ass quarrel and thought that we will nvr be friends anymore, we still care for each other... i cried to her about it... about wat has happened.. the weird thing is, she cried too... she told me... that this is just a phase in this relationship... be strong and don ever give up... she told me that i have to be strong to live my life as normal as i could... but nvr hide the feeling or keep the feeling aside just because YOU dont love me anymore... its embarrassing to have cried in old town.... but who really cares... who really cares if we cry... who really cares if we are upset...
then i went out with my work friends... we drink and we sang our hearts out... all of us had or is having relationship issue as well... all the heart aching songs were sung out loud.. i really thought i felt better... maybe is the beer or maybe is the companion... but there was this moment that i totally forgotten of wat has happen.. i forgot who i was with... i forgot who i have loved and is still loving... i became so restless.. and i keep asking jason... wat am i doing... how come i cant feel anymore... but as soon as i got in the car... i struck me again... i can tell YOU the truth that i am not that sad anymore... but i am still loving YOU regardless of wat...
when i came back home i smsed YOU... just to let YOU know wat i did and wat i am doing... and also just to wish YOU goodnight... not knowing that a reply would come back or not... i know YOUR reply was just a mere gesture of friendship... and for you to share that YOU'RE stressed of assignments with me... really made me happy... atleast i am a friend to you...don worry my dear.. YOU have always had stress with college.. and guess wat.. everytime you will get out of it and score a good score because YOu have put in YOUR best in it... YOu just have to have faith in yourself... if u ask me.. u will be a great Psychologist or anything u wanted to be in the future..
i know for a fact that the return of YOU in my life is merely impossible... but i will still wait for YOU no matter wat... because of the love i have for YOU has no limit... i will heal one day.. and by heal i would mean that i am not sad anymore.. but if YOU think that by healing means that i will move on to find another... YOU'RE wrong... i will always wait for the RLGQ that i have always love.. and is still loving... take care and all the best in life... i will always write this way... as though i am speaking to YOU.. because i am speaking to YOUR heart.. i don wanna disturb YOU and YOUr daily life just by calling YOU every single second.. but i will blog and hope that YOU read it... I STILL LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL....
firstly, i met up with danica... i knew that she is always there for me as i have for her... even though we had big ass quarrel and thought that we will nvr be friends anymore, we still care for each other... i cried to her about it... about wat has happened.. the weird thing is, she cried too... she told me... that this is just a phase in this relationship... be strong and don ever give up... she told me that i have to be strong to live my life as normal as i could... but nvr hide the feeling or keep the feeling aside just because YOU dont love me anymore... its embarrassing to have cried in old town.... but who really cares... who really cares if we cry... who really cares if we are upset...
then i went out with my work friends... we drink and we sang our hearts out... all of us had or is having relationship issue as well... all the heart aching songs were sung out loud.. i really thought i felt better... maybe is the beer or maybe is the companion... but there was this moment that i totally forgotten of wat has happen.. i forgot who i was with... i forgot who i have loved and is still loving... i became so restless.. and i keep asking jason... wat am i doing... how come i cant feel anymore... but as soon as i got in the car... i struck me again... i can tell YOU the truth that i am not that sad anymore... but i am still loving YOU regardless of wat...
when i came back home i smsed YOU... just to let YOU know wat i did and wat i am doing... and also just to wish YOU goodnight... not knowing that a reply would come back or not... i know YOUR reply was just a mere gesture of friendship... and for you to share that YOU'RE stressed of assignments with me... really made me happy... atleast i am a friend to you...don worry my dear.. YOU have always had stress with college.. and guess wat.. everytime you will get out of it and score a good score because YOu have put in YOUR best in it... YOu just have to have faith in yourself... if u ask me.. u will be a great Psychologist or anything u wanted to be in the future..
i know for a fact that the return of YOU in my life is merely impossible... but i will still wait for YOU no matter wat... because of the love i have for YOU has no limit... i will heal one day.. and by heal i would mean that i am not sad anymore.. but if YOU think that by healing means that i will move on to find another... YOU'RE wrong... i will always wait for the RLGQ that i have always love.. and is still loving... take care and all the best in life... i will always write this way... as though i am speaking to YOU.. because i am speaking to YOUR heart.. i don wanna disturb YOU and YOUr daily life just by calling YOU every single second.. but i will blog and hope that YOU read it... I STILL LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL....
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
5 th day after losing RLGQ
yesterday i called and ask how is it that he can let go so easily. he don feel pain at all.
where as me, i feel all the pain in the world in my heart.... i cry and cry till my other friends started crying... then he finally answered that there is no more love in his heart for me... that's y its super easy for him to say no to me when i ask for another chance... and its super easy for him to just have fun and just forget me...
i am happy that we have shared this 2 years together.. through pain and happiness.. but unfortunately... it wasn't good enough for him... i wasn't good enough for him.. and for him to fall and have feelings for others so so fast... really kills me inside because he doesn't have any sympathy or he don't even care about how i feel anymore...
i admit that i still love him with all my heart... i admit that i still care for him.. but i cant lie and say i am not upset by the situation... for these past few days.. he said that he felt something but he just don wanna think about it... he don wanna think wat is going on between us or even wat is going to happen between us.. he is willing to let me go as a friend if i really don wanna be his friend... and it really really hurt me to know that...
where as me, i feel all the pain in the world in my heart.... i cry and cry till my other friends started crying... then he finally answered that there is no more love in his heart for me... that's y its super easy for him to say no to me when i ask for another chance... and its super easy for him to just have fun and just forget me...
i am happy that we have shared this 2 years together.. through pain and happiness.. but unfortunately... it wasn't good enough for him... i wasn't good enough for him.. and for him to fall and have feelings for others so so fast... really kills me inside because he doesn't have any sympathy or he don't even care about how i feel anymore...
i admit that i still love him with all my heart... i admit that i still care for him.. but i cant lie and say i am not upset by the situation... for these past few days.. he said that he felt something but he just don wanna think about it... he don wanna think wat is going on between us or even wat is going to happen between us.. he is willing to let me go as a friend if i really don wanna be his friend... and it really really hurt me to know that...
Sunday, September 20, 2009
3rd day of crying...
everytime i am at home or work... i will think of YOU. i have never stopped loving and caring for you and yet this has happen... u claimed that u have loved me with all your heart... then let me feel and know that.. as far as i know... if u love someone, u would understand that sometimes things have to happen for a reason... not just give up.. just because u don feel loved... or there is a better feeling from flirting with other ppl... or even from your friends... i have never once thought of breaking up with u...NEVER. why??? because i have loved u since we're together and i have nvr loved u less since...
everytime u talk about "that person" how do u think i feel. how do you think i feel when everything we do reminds u of him... i am ur bf regardless of how horrible u feel i am.. i am still ur bf... the least u could do is to tell me and discuss with me... even a break up... we can talk about it nicely.. not just ignore each other until i get upset... how do u think i feel,... do u think i am strong enough thats the reason u want to just leave me like that... all the things we went through together.. u may replace it with someone else... but i cant... nvr in my life i ever said that u remind me of someone else that i have feelings with... is this how u show ur love???/
wat do u love about me??? sex??? money??? my humor??? or just someone to hang out and call bf??? because i have no time with u... because i don have the mood to do anything because too tired from work... because i am tired everytime i go out with u caused by work... because of all these reasons u wanna leave me... ever thought that at times when i am free and wanted to talk to you, u said ur busy.. ur out with friends... and with family and cant meet me... how would i feel... i feel sad too but i understand... i understand that if u can u would be with me but its just because of ur commitments that u have to spend ur time elsewhere...
i never ever thought bad thought about u or even this relationship... because this is wat i wanted i have to accept.. how bad it hurt me... i still endure because i really thought u were still loving me after all that.. because of ur hug, ur tears... they let me know that ur sincere..
knowing that there are doubts now made me really sad... i have cried for 3 days now... how do u think i feel when u can say u love me and u dont at the same time,... wat does that mean....?
i really don care anymore... i want u back... i want the person that i really know and that i really love back to me... not the person that loves other ppl... not the person that wants to flirt with other ppl to feel nice... i want the person who love me regardless of how i look... no matter how ugly u still say i look good..i want that person back....the person that would love me for me....
everytime u talk about "that person" how do u think i feel. how do you think i feel when everything we do reminds u of him... i am ur bf regardless of how horrible u feel i am.. i am still ur bf... the least u could do is to tell me and discuss with me... even a break up... we can talk about it nicely.. not just ignore each other until i get upset... how do u think i feel,... do u think i am strong enough thats the reason u want to just leave me like that... all the things we went through together.. u may replace it with someone else... but i cant... nvr in my life i ever said that u remind me of someone else that i have feelings with... is this how u show ur love???/
wat do u love about me??? sex??? money??? my humor??? or just someone to hang out and call bf??? because i have no time with u... because i don have the mood to do anything because too tired from work... because i am tired everytime i go out with u caused by work... because of all these reasons u wanna leave me... ever thought that at times when i am free and wanted to talk to you, u said ur busy.. ur out with friends... and with family and cant meet me... how would i feel... i feel sad too but i understand... i understand that if u can u would be with me but its just because of ur commitments that u have to spend ur time elsewhere...
i never ever thought bad thought about u or even this relationship... because this is wat i wanted i have to accept.. how bad it hurt me... i still endure because i really thought u were still loving me after all that.. because of ur hug, ur tears... they let me know that ur sincere..
knowing that there are doubts now made me really sad... i have cried for 3 days now... how do u think i feel when u can say u love me and u dont at the same time,... wat does that mean....?
i really don care anymore... i want u back... i want the person that i really know and that i really love back to me... not the person that loves other ppl... not the person that wants to flirt with other ppl to feel nice... i want the person who love me regardless of how i look... no matter how ugly u still say i look good..i want that person back....the person that would love me for me....
Saturday, September 19, 2009
heartless....
why heartless u may ask??? this is the day that i was betrayed by my loved one. not only my love has been betrayed but my trust and faith too... all i did for all these while is make our life better... to make us happier so that we do not think of the financial stress... but no... to others what i do is so my own personal gain... not only i have to work my ass off to impress the boss and stayed in the office till late at night... but the sacrifices i need to make is unspeakable... here i thought that i am doing everything well... no rain.. no storm.... everything seems to be calm... then ignorant starts to emerge to the surface... being me, i had to ask and get more info... in doing that, i got myself a big whole of a BREAK UP....
wow.. the feeling that i felt was too great for me to handle... burst out in tears for almost 12 hours now... i could not help myself but to think what did i do wrong now that this is happening... is it because of my previous mistake,... if yes y now it has been brought up... or is there anyone else... if that s the case... how can the word "i love u" even be used in our conversation??? that doesn;t make sense.. i could not help but flood the whole world with my tears.... i called all my friends hoping that it will help me ease the pain...
nothing happen... i am still as sad and hurt as i am.. its because the love in me still lives and i felt unfair that this wasnt discussed or even talked about in the first place it was just a moment that i would nvr forget....
ps if u ever wanna hurt someone in a relationship... think first if they did anything wrong that they deserve to be hurt this way.. no one deserve to be put in my situation...
wow.. the feeling that i felt was too great for me to handle... burst out in tears for almost 12 hours now... i could not help myself but to think what did i do wrong now that this is happening... is it because of my previous mistake,... if yes y now it has been brought up... or is there anyone else... if that s the case... how can the word "i love u" even be used in our conversation??? that doesn;t make sense.. i could not help but flood the whole world with my tears.... i called all my friends hoping that it will help me ease the pain...
nothing happen... i am still as sad and hurt as i am.. its because the love in me still lives and i felt unfair that this wasnt discussed or even talked about in the first place it was just a moment that i would nvr forget....
ps if u ever wanna hurt someone in a relationship... think first if they did anything wrong that they deserve to be hurt this way.. no one deserve to be put in my situation...
Saturday, June 27, 2009
worth waiting for.....
for those of you who heard that this movie is not as great as the one before, please do not listen to them. i just watched this yesterday and i truly feel that it is worth the wait and trouble.
managed to get the 12.55 am tickets and wasn't really enthusiastic about the movie at first thanks to the reviews that are given by those who watched it earlier. addition to that, we had to wait outside the cinema for about 1 hours just to watch it. of course most of you will think, why am i so stupid and waited for an hour outside the cinema. actually the movie was suppose to start at 12.55 am so everyone queued for the popcorn and other snack or beverages 10 minutes before hand. out of expectation, the hall wasn't open for admission yet. the reason being, cleaning is still in progress. so while waiting everyone just lingered outside in the lobby, munching on the snacks that has been purchased. basically half of my popcorn is devoured before the movie even started.
at about 1.55am, we were allowed to enter the cinema hall and be seated at the assigned seats. thinking that the movie should be starting soon. we were disappointed once more. we had to wait for about 30 minutes for the advertisements to be played and it is a very long advertisement. i am not too sure why does it take so long to play the movie. everyone started boo-ing and making a whole lot of fuss till the movie actually being played at about 2.00 am ( about there)
despite all the waiting, the movie was great. the graphics was great. although i do agree with some, that the story line wasn't as great as the first one but the movie was still one of the best movies this year. more autobots and decepticons being introduced... more abilities and more transforming action... overall it was a really cool movie.
this is actually the first time i watched a movie so late that i slept straight when i got home. i just thought maybe i should blog about this as i haven't blog for a long time.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
my first day in a gym....
when i first got there in the gym, i was so blurr...
i dunno where to start...
dunno wat to do first....
so i went to the locker room and put my stuff there first then when i move back to the gym area i saw 1 of my friend there ( thankfully )
so i got some sort of clue wat to do after "consulting" my friend... hehe
then the first thing that i did was the step master or something like that (not too sure wat they're called) that was the most tiring thing to do, for me at least.
then went on to the cycling thingy... that was really cool la... it was a relaxed work out which focuses on the thighs... initially i did a whole lot of different work outs la...
i wasn't really focusing on any particular exercise ytd...
just wanted to try most of the thingy there..
this morning when i woke up..i felt so tired and my body was aching.. in fact it is still aching now... hehehe..
but i will get use to it la....
thats all la... it was fun and i keep saying that gym is the same as jogging in the padang which is not right at all...
p.s. i haven't got my blackberry yet because the fuckers in celcom are damn slow at doing wat they are suppose to do... very very not satisfied with the service they provide...
i dunno where to start...
dunno wat to do first....
so i went to the locker room and put my stuff there first then when i move back to the gym area i saw 1 of my friend there ( thankfully )
so i got some sort of clue wat to do after "consulting" my friend... hehe
then the first thing that i did was the step master or something like that (not too sure wat they're called) that was the most tiring thing to do, for me at least.
then went on to the cycling thingy... that was really cool la... it was a relaxed work out which focuses on the thighs... initially i did a whole lot of different work outs la...
i wasn't really focusing on any particular exercise ytd...
just wanted to try most of the thingy there..
this morning when i woke up..i felt so tired and my body was aching.. in fact it is still aching now... hehehe..
but i will get use to it la....
thats all la... it was fun and i keep saying that gym is the same as jogging in the padang which is not right at all...
p.s. i haven't got my blackberry yet because the fuckers in celcom are damn slow at doing wat they are suppose to do... very very not satisfied with the service they provide...
Friday, May 22, 2009
NOT a single minute wasted!!!!
first of all, the title is an exaggeration. its just that today is the most i did in awhile.
early in the morning, was waiting for a wake up call but ended up making the wake up call =)
then got ready and kept telling myself not to get angry because so many things happened this whole week and knowing the "short-tempered" me, i will get angry at almost anything.
after getting ready drove off to Y.K.W's house and waited for awhile. usually i will be furious if i were to wait that long but dunno why i wasn't even angry. then we went and have a very casual tennis game. this is the first time we actually have a decent tennis game. usually i will be screaming from the other end and there wouldn't be any game in the end. maybe it's just the mind set. maybe i have told myself not to get angry that's why i was so patient today.
after tennis went back home and had lunch. nothing special there. about 1pm i went out with Y.K.W. again to the optical shop. i did not buy anything just accompanying Y.K.W. to get new glasses which i personally think is nice but not everyone is being on the same page as i am.
after that nothing could wipe off the smile off Y.K.W's face. was too excited to get the new spectacles i guess. then we went to subang parade. and i went straight to blue cube which is a celcom outlet in parade. the main point of being there is to enquire on the most amazing gadget to me, BLACKBERRY STORM. we had to wait for awhile for someone to actually take us seriously about it because we were dressed like some kids that just wanna be there to ask stupid questions and not buy anything. then this salesman aka worker there came up to us and actually 'layan' all our questions and obviously i was happy with the answers and Y.K.W. approves of me buying it i guess, from the look on the face. i have been talking bout the phone since forever and finally today was the first time i actually touched and played with the phone and it was really nice.
now the only thing that is keeping me from buying the phone is cash!!!!!!!!!!! i am hoping that i will get some help form my brother about it. i am jusat so excited and cant wait for that moment.
then we bought a large amount of dunkin donuts. which is not up to expectations at all. ate damn alot and i was bloated because after the dunkin donuts i had to get home and have dinner. i just couldn't sit still because i was too full and kept on burping like nobody's business =)
and now i am blogging again.. how much happiness or events like this can change a person's mood and made me blog again after this while... i will be updating this blog again with other updates...hopefully ;p
early in the morning, was waiting for a wake up call but ended up making the wake up call =)
then got ready and kept telling myself not to get angry because so many things happened this whole week and knowing the "short-tempered" me, i will get angry at almost anything.
after getting ready drove off to Y.K.W's house and waited for awhile. usually i will be furious if i were to wait that long but dunno why i wasn't even angry. then we went and have a very casual tennis game. this is the first time we actually have a decent tennis game. usually i will be screaming from the other end and there wouldn't be any game in the end. maybe it's just the mind set. maybe i have told myself not to get angry that's why i was so patient today.
after tennis went back home and had lunch. nothing special there. about 1pm i went out with Y.K.W. again to the optical shop. i did not buy anything just accompanying Y.K.W. to get new glasses which i personally think is nice but not everyone is being on the same page as i am.
after that nothing could wipe off the smile off Y.K.W's face. was too excited to get the new spectacles i guess. then we went to subang parade. and i went straight to blue cube which is a celcom outlet in parade. the main point of being there is to enquire on the most amazing gadget to me, BLACKBERRY STORM. we had to wait for awhile for someone to actually take us seriously about it because we were dressed like some kids that just wanna be there to ask stupid questions and not buy anything. then this salesman aka worker there came up to us and actually 'layan' all our questions and obviously i was happy with the answers and Y.K.W. approves of me buying it i guess, from the look on the face. i have been talking bout the phone since forever and finally today was the first time i actually touched and played with the phone and it was really nice.
now the only thing that is keeping me from buying the phone is cash!!!!!!!!!!! i am hoping that i will get some help form my brother about it. i am jusat so excited and cant wait for that moment.
then we bought a large amount of dunkin donuts. which is not up to expectations at all. ate damn alot and i was bloated because after the dunkin donuts i had to get home and have dinner. i just couldn't sit still because i was too full and kept on burping like nobody's business =)
and now i am blogging again.. how much happiness or events like this can change a person's mood and made me blog again after this while... i will be updating this blog again with other updates...hopefully ;p
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
biggest loser.....?
this is my favorite show of all time....at least for now it is....
in case you 're not sure of haven't heard of this show, this show is about obese people losing weight basically.
it is a very inspirational reality show.
i really thought that malaysia should have a reality show like this as malaysian lifestyle is exactly the way the contestant's were before they enter the programme.
and malaysian should really watch this as being inspired by this..
why this show get to me so emotionally??
although i am not an obese person, but i see myself in years to come being like that if i don't change my lifestyle.
i am a person that consume almost everything that is edible anytime anywhere.
supper has been a regular outing for me.
after watching this show it made me realize that if i keep this lifestyle, i will be seeing myself wearing size XXXL in a few year from now.
with my working hours now, i can't seem to get any time to exercise at all.
as a move towards better life ( i hope..) Danica and i have ask to have a permanent shift so that we could get ourselves sweating again.
and because of this new fixed shift i would have to sleep early as well, therefore, less supper i hope.
lastly, i do recommend all of you to watch this show on hallmark channel ( i don't know what time but there is repeat almost everyday and even on the weekends) even if you're not an obese, you may get inspired in some other ways....
live life to the fullest!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just imagine how anxious i felt before taking results. everyone else is taking it on time but the 3 of us (danica,sam and i)
my hands shivers when i sign the form and everything and we went to a corner to open up the paper and i shouted for joy as i got want i wanted which is all pass. then shortly after that only i checked for the grades. wow.. i was really happy that i passed all my papers.
then after that we went for yam cha and hang around at summit... its fun because its been awhile we didn't hang together....
i will not enclosed anyone's results here since its PnC.
as for mine.. i got 1 a and 3 b... thats all...
now stressed about making decisions to apply uni and all... haih...
my hands shivers when i sign the form and everything and we went to a corner to open up the paper and i shouted for joy as i got want i wanted which is all pass. then shortly after that only i checked for the grades. wow.. i was really happy that i passed all my papers.
then after that we went for yam cha and hang around at summit... its fun because its been awhile we didn't hang together....
i will not enclosed anyone's results here since its PnC.
as for mine.. i got 1 a and 3 b... thats all...
now stressed about making decisions to apply uni and all... haih...
outburst!!!!!!!!!
today its really not my F***ing day la...
first at work its just like crap. i din have mood to start off and then the first call itself its an escalation call. its such a bad note to start work with. in addition to it, no one seem to care bout helping in work except some of them la but when i need help they're not free all the time. then frankly i feel like crap with some of my colleagues. used to be close and happy working together. and because of the ranking and other reasons that i am unsure of, we became enemy or at least not friends. i really hate it when ppl take it like i wanna beat them for the sake of winning. then some of them will pretend to lose just to make me feel better. pls u're not doing me a favor. and u think u're a better person doing so, pls forget it. to me u're an idiot. only idiots will not make a full advantage of wat is infront of him/her. i just wanna let go of everything today. i felt so like shit keeping it in me and pretend to like every single person in the world. its not that i wanna create trouble but pls get some brains. sometimes jokes oso some ppl wanna be so serious about. like stupid bitches only.
then come home and hope for it to stop. but that's not the case. i had to quarrel with Y.K.W. why is it so hard to communicate lately. it is me or is it everyone else? i feel as though those who understood me dont know who am i anymore. and because of that i don even think i know myself anymore. its like tmr is result day and the thing you at least could do is just go through it with me instead of being a pain in my ass right. y is it so hard to understand me. i am not really good in english but i don think i am that bad till ppl could not understand me in a simple conversation. i really hate it when ppl don understand me and keep repeating the same idiotic things. sometimes, its not that i want to get angry its just that if i don yell or scold ppl wouldn't take me seriously. its CRAP!!!!!!!!!
first at work its just like crap. i din have mood to start off and then the first call itself its an escalation call. its such a bad note to start work with. in addition to it, no one seem to care bout helping in work except some of them la but when i need help they're not free all the time. then frankly i feel like crap with some of my colleagues. used to be close and happy working together. and because of the ranking and other reasons that i am unsure of, we became enemy or at least not friends. i really hate it when ppl take it like i wanna beat them for the sake of winning. then some of them will pretend to lose just to make me feel better. pls u're not doing me a favor. and u think u're a better person doing so, pls forget it. to me u're an idiot. only idiots will not make a full advantage of wat is infront of him/her. i just wanna let go of everything today. i felt so like shit keeping it in me and pretend to like every single person in the world. its not that i wanna create trouble but pls get some brains. sometimes jokes oso some ppl wanna be so serious about. like stupid bitches only.
then come home and hope for it to stop. but that's not the case. i had to quarrel with Y.K.W. why is it so hard to communicate lately. it is me or is it everyone else? i feel as though those who understood me dont know who am i anymore. and because of that i don even think i know myself anymore. its like tmr is result day and the thing you at least could do is just go through it with me instead of being a pain in my ass right. y is it so hard to understand me. i am not really good in english but i don think i am that bad till ppl could not understand me in a simple conversation. i really hate it when ppl don understand me and keep repeating the same idiotic things. sometimes, its not that i want to get angry its just that if i don yell or scold ppl wouldn't take me seriously. its CRAP!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
FIRST EVER TAG THAT I AM DOING!!!!!
this tag post have been withdrawn due to some mistake and will be reposted if i manage to solve it...!!! hehe don blame me i dont really know how to do tags =(
money, money, money....
money is such an important "tool" in our lives without it life is just difficult, doable but difficult. i recently got my full pay from working a full month. of course work wasn't easy but the satisfaction you get when you get the money is like a child in an amusement park, at least to me it is =). how money can bring so much "colours" into my life is just so incredible. to some ppl money is not very important. maybe because they didn't had much hard time finding them. and to some its just as important as everything else because without money there isn't any food nor there will be clothing and shelter. i don't really know why money is that important to me. maybe because i am always deprived of my needs and i always have desire that are hard to fulfill. for some they can always impressed their parents and they will get what they want as a reward. i have never had that apportunity since UPSR. since then, my family had alot of financial and also family crisis. so to fulfill my wants and needs i usually save or work for it. this is the reason why my decisions may defer compared to others my age. but now that i have worked, i don't blame my dad for not supplying things that other kids might have because i know how hard it is to get money. as i said i just got my full pay (only my friends will know how much..heheh) now wats left in the bank is less then 15% of the pay. thats how fast money could go. i had to pay alot of things and that's how i know life is not as easy as it looks.
ps: here's some of the things i spent my cash on....ice cream!!!!!!!!!
ps: here's some of the things i spent my cash on....ice cream!!!!!!!!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
no reason....
....went out with danica after work. was supposed to stay at home but we ended up going to pyramid together. took us almost half an hour to actually find a parking that day and finally we got 1 in the rooftop. then we head on to shops hoping that we could find something to buy but we failed to do so. then we have a sudden crave for sushi so headed to SAKAE and these are some of the dishes we had....we were so full that we had to pack some of it...
then out of our expectations... when we're about to get into the car at the rooftop, we were stop by the security. at first we were very confused and danica even said maybe someone died. but actually that was't the case. the rooftop was used as a platform to release the fireworks. this is the first time i saw a fireworks show right infront of my face. so here's a vid of it... so i can say that out day ended with a bang!!!
then out of our expectations... when we're about to get into the car at the rooftop, we were stop by the security. at first we were very confused and danica even said maybe someone died. but actually that was't the case. the rooftop was used as a platform to release the fireworks. this is the first time i saw a fireworks show right infront of my face. so here's a vid of it... so i can say that out day ended with a bang!!!Saturday, February 7, 2009
picnic???? fun....
ytd i went out with my friends for dinner at piccadilly's ( if i didn't spell it wrongly) and it was great. besides the fact that we are always fun to hang with but the food was great too. i had the best carbonara that i have ever eaten there. 1 thing bad about that place is that the food comes very slowly. maybe its cause by the packed restaurant. as usual after the outing was coming to an end. we planned for the next one because most of them will be outstation for a very long time and it will be awhile before we get to see each other again after this. so guess where is our next outing going to be??? ITS AT THE ZOO NEGARA!!!!!!!!!! how fun is that. you get to be in a zoo with your friends just chillin out and after that we will be going to have a picnic in taman tasik titiwangsa. just the sound of it makes me jumping inside. its sounds so 'ang mo' like with the picnic and the zoo outing. cant wait to go and i will try to get photos and upload it on my blog... so for now i just have to wait... cheers...!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
stupid callers...
today was a very bad day at work. 90% of my calls are complaints and enquiries. the thing that bugs me the most is they talk alot when they only need to tell me the main problem and what is the outcome they wish. instead, they wanna tell their grandma's stories then only tell the problem. those calls really hurt my AHT(average handling time). higher AHT means lower commisions. its bad enough that i don't have enough sales, my AHT is so high that it doesn't really matter if i have any sales or not.
then there was a caller, an australian, thinks that he was the king of the world. just because is ang mo, that doesn't give him the right to scream or curse at other ppl. they themselves are rude but they keep saying that other ppl are rude to them. and they can't understand english for goodness sake. what is so hard to understand a sentence that has been repeated to you for over 10 times... IDIOT... i hate those kind of callers..
despite all that, i still have some sales for today and my day at work ended in a high note when my last 2 calls are sales calls and they were very nice. i hate talking to australian guys!!!! just reinforcing my point that australian guys are very rude.... hope i have a better day tmr..
then there was a caller, an australian, thinks that he was the king of the world. just because is ang mo, that doesn't give him the right to scream or curse at other ppl. they themselves are rude but they keep saying that other ppl are rude to them. and they can't understand english for goodness sake. what is so hard to understand a sentence that has been repeated to you for over 10 times... IDIOT... i hate those kind of callers..
despite all that, i still have some sales for today and my day at work ended in a high note when my last 2 calls are sales calls and they were very nice. i hate talking to australian guys!!!! just reinforcing my point that australian guys are very rude.... hope i have a better day tmr..
Saturday, January 31, 2009
working life...
have been working for a few weeks now.. starting to get a hang of the culture of the work place. made friends with some of the seniors and just felt more like home at work. unfortunately, the system is going to be change just when we're getting use to the old one. which means we have to start all over again from scratch. starting from next week our batch of trainees will be separated into 2 groups and we will soon be under different TL. i sure hope that we stay as close as before but i doubt that will happen. just the same as school when we say stay friends forever and after that we couldn't be bothered about others. so this weekend will be a long off for me as i am going to start work on tuesday only. so i can just rest and hope that i am still ok with the system=) its been awhile that i haven't blog, i felt like i have lost the touch or passion to blog.. but i will still blog and find the lost passion and keep updating my blog as much as i can... anyways take care and all the best in life~!!!!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
shopped for 3 days!!!
went out to shop in various places for 3 days straight... such as summit, pyramid, sungai wang and times square. bought a few things that i have long for. like shoes and bag... here are a pic of things i have bought. although simple but i am satisfied.. spent almost RM300 on all the things but i think its worth it..
Just bought the bag today actually... went out with Eugene and Ryan today. Was initially suppose to buy things from either "lalaland" or "lalaworld" in human language is times square or sungai wang.. but there isn't anything there to buy so we head on back to sunway pyramid. walked for almost a day and i just got myself a bag.. quite sad when come to think of it..
most of the shops in times square and sungai wang was closed due to cny so there's nothing much to see... but there is 1 incident that got Ryan and i laughing..as we walked pass the "market" area in the centre of sungai wang, there's this indian lady buying t-shirts for her son or someone else.. then suddenly she just walk to eugene and measure the shirt on eugene as if he was her son or grandson or wtv.. and eugene cant do anything but to just stand and let her do so...hahah... it was hilarious and she even spoke like as though she was asking eugene if he likes it... damn freaking funny la... so thats all that happened today..
Just bought the bag today actually... went out with Eugene and Ryan today. Was initially suppose to buy things from either "lalaland" or "lalaworld" in human language is times square or sungai wang.. but there isn't anything there to buy so we head on back to sunway pyramid. walked for almost a day and i just got myself a bag.. quite sad when come to think of it..
most of the shops in times square and sungai wang was closed due to cny so there's nothing much to see... but there is 1 incident that got Ryan and i laughing..as we walked pass the "market" area in the centre of sungai wang, there's this indian lady buying t-shirts for her son or someone else.. then suddenly she just walk to eugene and measure the shirt on eugene as if he was her son or grandson or wtv.. and eugene cant do anything but to just stand and let her do so...hahah... it was hilarious and she even spoke like as though she was asking eugene if he likes it... damn freaking funny la... so thats all that happened today..
Monday, January 26, 2009
Happy Chinese new Year!!!!!!!!!
happy chinese new year ppl... may you have a healthy and prosperous life ahead... be well!!!!!!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
after 2 weeks of work
at first i thought this was the best place to work. cool ppl that dont judge you, cool place where everyone is friendly and good environment. but after 2 weeks i realize that ppl are still ppl even if they're in another place. there will be back-stabbing, bitching around and even verbal discrimination. obviously i am 1 of the victim that's y i am claiming this fact ( duh..) its ok if they want to talk about someone but to me there's a certain limit to it. this is not high school where the bitch is always bitching around and bullying the nerds and the jocks bullying the geeks. i just feel really uncomfortable with some of them now. thats 1 of the reason that make me so freaking tired at work ( bad aura..) next week we'll be assigned to a new group, a smaller one. i just hope that i don't end up in the same group as 'them'.
about work there's nothing much. this 2 weeks is just for us to learn about the system and the product. and basically we learnt a bit and we talked alot... it was fun despite all that negative things. but from next week on its going to be work work work...! so wish me luck....hahaha
about work there's nothing much. this 2 weeks is just for us to learn about the system and the product. and basically we learnt a bit and we talked alot... it was fun despite all that negative things. but from next week on its going to be work work work...! so wish me luck....hahaha
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
first day!
went to work for the first day... it wasnt really work. it was just a "orientation" and a get along with ppl session. basically we heard the CEO datin Mona. it was quite boring for me, the talk, but some may think its inspiring. then we played some name game and just talked alot with the others. it was really fun as it wasn't even working. the more interesting is that we are needed to wear our pyjamas to work tmr. I was shocked when i heard that. i mean you're supposed to work not slp so why ur pj's man. but who bothered asking. we are all wearing our pj's whether we like it or not. It is weird but cool at the same time. Its like we're in college or uni where they have themed-days. so looking forward to see everyone in their pj's. i think i will see more things than usual tmr, if u know wat i mean....hahhaa.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
sweet...
My 19th bday will be one of those that will stay in my heart for a very very long time. Nvr in my life that most of my friends and family members wished me. I felt so touch when i received all that sms-es and calls from almost everyone. I was seriously happy.. As for my dad, not 1 bday he wouldn't quarrel with me. Though i hope it will one day change but its no biggy. There's 1 down-side to this bday, I was sick after lunch with my friends till now. only now i have a little strenght to go online check my mails and update my blog. To those who i didn't reply the msges i am so sorry but i really am unable to do so. That's all..try to keep it short due to my lack of health...see ya ppl..
Friday, January 2, 2009
Last day being 18....
I was often asked "what do i want for my bday?" or " how do i wanna celebrate my bday?". I am sure most of u get these questions too.
Having gone through so many things, the most precious and important thing to me is life. In other words, anything for my bday would make me happy because i already have the best thing which is life. Of course there are things (objects) that i would love to have but it won't meant much to me. At least not more than memories, friendship, and other life-related things. So for those who are planning to get me something or even got me something, it doesn't really matter what the present is because i will be happy receiving it. The thought of ppl buying me presents could have been the best gift i can have. For those who aren't getting me anything, its fine. A simple wish would be enough to put a smile on my face.
As for how to celebrate, a simple gathering (happy one) would have been enough. Spending time with family and friends would meant the world to me. Relationship to me is more important than fancy parties. That's why i always try to get my friends together at one gathering where i can spend time with all of them ( at least most of them) but if cant then i will settle for the best. Just a simple and happy life is what i ask for in 2009.
Cant wait for my bday. Hopefully no anger involved through out the day!!!!!!!!
Having gone through so many things, the most precious and important thing to me is life. In other words, anything for my bday would make me happy because i already have the best thing which is life. Of course there are things (objects) that i would love to have but it won't meant much to me. At least not more than memories, friendship, and other life-related things. So for those who are planning to get me something or even got me something, it doesn't really matter what the present is because i will be happy receiving it. The thought of ppl buying me presents could have been the best gift i can have. For those who aren't getting me anything, its fine. A simple wish would be enough to put a smile on my face.
As for how to celebrate, a simple gathering (happy one) would have been enough. Spending time with family and friends would meant the world to me. Relationship to me is more important than fancy parties. That's why i always try to get my friends together at one gathering where i can spend time with all of them ( at least most of them) but if cant then i will settle for the best. Just a simple and happy life is what i ask for in 2009.
Cant wait for my bday. Hopefully no anger involved through out the day!!!!!!!!
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