7th day without RLGQ

as you can see that the title of the post and the post itself doesnt match... the title is a count and the post is about the things that happen the day before... technically this is a post about the 6th day...

i woke up in the morning and i couldn't go back to sleep. and i tried so hard to not call RLGQ. i did... all of my friends said to me that if i keep calling.. i will not be able to live my life... but after thinking for a long time, i figured that i love him too much.. i don care what he does to me... i don care how he feels for me.. i will just call and listen to his voice..

at first, i felt bad for calling him in the morning. he told me that he was still tired and that he wants to rest. then i told him, i know u're going through alot with all the assignments and all... just rest its ok.. i don really have to talk to him.. besides, even if he talks to me, it will just be "erm" and "ah" because he was just too tired...

i went downstairs after that and tried to just forget the fact that i want to see him so much.. but i couldn't. i called him again half an hour later.. i told him to let me send him to college and he agreed but he said to let him rest awhile more... he asked me to call him back to wake him at about 9 am. and that's what i did.

after i have called him, i went and got myself ready and head on to his house. i rang the bell with so much anxiety in me. and when his maid open the door and let me in, all i could think of is not to offend him and respect him as a person. his maid insist on me going up to his room to wait. as much as i wanted to, i know that there are boundaries. i waited in the living hall for maybe about 5-10 minutes. when he came down, it felt like as if we are going for a prom date and i looked at him with such glow in my eyes. i just looked. but i grew afraid and just looked back at wherever i was looking in the first place which is the coffee table. then he went and style his hair and came out so good looking. i realize how much i regretted not telling him the truth. he use to ask me how he looked and i will just give him a grin and say " oklah". and all he could say is sorry to keep me waiting on. and what i replied is i don mind. it is i who came earlier and wanted to wait.

on the way to college, we head to breakfast first. whilst in the car, he told me about a weird experience he had watching movie with his friends. and i just listen. because i choose to listen, i realize how much i know by just listening. i felt so happy that i finally learnt how to just listen and don cut ppl short. then i pop in a question about movies. i ask " which are his favourite movies this year?" and sadly all the movies he chose was the ones that he watched with his friends not me. i guess i don't really know how to choose a movie. then i told him mine was 'up'. i watched that movie with him. its one of our last movies together before the break up. i was really touched by the love the couple had in the movie. although it may seem fake to have a love so strong. but deep in my heart i know that it is possible. i teared watching that movie. and everytime i think of that day, i will remember his hand wiping of the tears from my face..

then i sent him off to college after breakfast. of course during breakfast we talked. i told him a few things that happen to me these past few days and he told me whatever he wanted to tell. but mostly he will just keep quiet. yesterday, i know something new about him. that his favourite chinese drama of all time is "cheong mou kei" and i liked that drama too. see how much i learn from listening??

after sending him to college i head on to work for a course. a course that relates so much to him. its psychology at work place. we learn how to manage stress and also help to keep our mind off certain, not important stress...and i think to myself.. why only now that i learn how to do all these... and all i could think of is him.. as usual.

after heading home from work, i met up with nicole. we talked about me and RLGQ. and we sang our hearts out all the songs we knew just to get my mind off him for just that moment. but it was obviously a failed attemp. and all i can say to nicole is to let me wait. let me do whatever i want to do. but i told her to just be there for me if ever i need her...

when i came back home, alli could think of is to go online and see if he is there so that i could chat with him. but he wasnt. he was asleep. i was happy that he is asleep. at least he is having a rest from all the dramas of live.

then i saw someone really important in our lives online. i chatted with him and i finally know the truth. i knew that although this person may seem out of our lives, he is in fact very in our lives. he knew how much i love RLGQ, how much i care and also how much i still love. i felt happy that i finally get to open up to him... felt so relieved yesterday. to know how much he supports me in this situation. and to know how much he knew about whats going on. that is really a surprise to me. he understood every single thing i said. its like as though he has a book or story that tells about the love i have and also the difficulties that RLGQ and i faced in our relationship. i feel that if ever RLGQ talked to this person, he will understand whats going on and he wouldn't be too stressed up.

all i can say i had a good night sleep. and that i woke up so early in the morning is not to tell everyone i am still stress or cant sleep. its just that i don really need a lot of sleep anymore. i just feel like live is more than just sleep, work and eat. lastly i want to say i still am loving YOU from the bottom of my heart. and know that i am still here waiting for YOU whenever YOU want to come to me for anything at all, you know how to get me. I LOVE YOU!!!!