why are u still affecting my life....

i really don't know what is really going on.

i have not been visiting my own blog because it brings back so much pain and bitterness in my life but i wont delete it as this is the only thing i have to remember RLGQ.

recently RLGQ has been in my thoughts again. this time not in a bad way no more.

i remember how we met before and how we actually started.
the feeling i felt when that first moment together.

i dunno why i am near to tears now.
maybe because i know its long gone.
those are just memories to keep.

i understand that he chose that other person because that other person suits his needs and criteria as a BF. i totally understand that. i kinda feel that i don't meet any of his criteria, i had that feeling when he told me that one of his friend had the exact criteria as himself in a BF.

i kinda miss talking to him... telling him about the stress that i face..... discuss about things to do, or should do... eating food that we both love... like the pork noodle in 15....

i cant find the feelings that i had with him but that doesn't mean that i would stop finding...

the only thing i regret so far is to have treated him the way i treat him just so that i can get over him sooner and easier...

after all that, i still find myself missing him so much and rejecting everyone that comes by...

i truly wish him all the best with the new person and life in general....

i still have a place in my heart vacant for him...

i know this is silly... to give chance to the person that hurts you the most to have a chance to hurt you again.... but what can i do??? i wish life would be shorter for me now as i have found the best days of my life and i do not want the memories to fade....

finally.... its over!!!

I have been waiting for this moment since ever.....

first of all... i finally got angry at RLGQ for all the things that he had done to me... and i couldn't believe i had the courage to send him an sms screwing him up.. seriously.. if you don't believe in me then don't. If you think i would spread "news" about you then in the first place you should not tell me anything at all... don't go round telling my friends what they can do or can't do.. plus they're not telling lies.. its the fact.. so if you're still so afraid then don't hang out with GAYS.. get a GIRLFRIEND and be STRAIGHT. if you want to stay gay, hang out with gays, live a gay's life... then be brave and face everything that will be thrown to you... i am so disappointed with you and myself... i can't believe you have changed so much till i don't even know you anymore. the brave and smart person i used to know is gone..

ok, enough with all the drama from that crappy relationship....

i was finally promoted yesterday after a long fight that i have in the office. i have sacrificed so much to get here and now i am finally here!!! ATL!!! woot!!!!

there are several times that i thought of giving up and just let it be... but of course there are people that stopped me from doing so... i really appreciate what they have done for me...
the night before yesterday, i was so nervous and was so afraid that i don't know what to say during my final interview. then, someone told me this " it's not about the experience you have, it's about how you sell yourself". influenced by that saying, i focused on selling myself.

i was trying so hard to be confident but not to the extend of being cocky... i think i managed to do so during the interview. i felt the change in me and it is certainly a good change..

i hope that after this, i will be better at what i do and not feel so stressed out by the workload that i have...

missing YOU...

It has been months that i have not seen your face. not heard from your voice.
i always wonder wat is going on with your life.. who would have thought that i will be this way...
i guess i really really love you...

everytime when you post your status in chinese, i always wonder what it means. is it good? or is it bad? but i always didnt get the answer. all i can do is to pray for you so that everything turns out good for you.

you are not my past neither my future... you are always my present.. although i am not crying anymore but you are the only person that i would think of when i am not working... all i want is to see you happy.. it hurts me if you are going out with others but if it makes you happy i wouldnt mind. i really want to be your friend but maybe not now... maybe in the future when you already found your prince charming.. i know i am not good enough for you.. sometimes i regret for not studying.. if i am studying at least you would understand what i am going through.. and i would also understand wat you are going through.., but too bad... i am not that rich to just study without working.. there is alot of things that are unfortunate for me...

now my mum is having the same thing as me.. she has 2 growth in her tummy as well... i wanted to tell you about it... i was really sad and didnt know who to tell it too.. but all i can do is just to cry because of what i have not done..

i duno why i post this here... maybe i am still hoping for you to read my blog.. i will wait for you till i cant stand it anymore.. now i can still love you in my heart so i will wait...

happy.....?

"so wat if it hurts me, so wat if i break down...."

thats wat i hold now in my life... so wat if all the bad things happen? we will still have to live on.. so don hang on to the emotions too long...

recently celebrated my bday.... first bday without YKW... i was really happy by the way to have received some wishes from those who i really thought wouldn't wish me...

like wat ppl say... don expect too much and u will be happy...

I miss U so much... and the love i have for U just keep growing even though i don see and feel U anymore.. but somehow i will still think of U from time to time.. and yea missing U...

wat can i do?? i always ask myself that... but the answer nvr come...

i am willing to wait.... i guess...