hey dear,
i cant say enough of these words as i cant show them to you anymore. i love u.
i have given up trying to win u back because it always back fires. i initiate anything and it would work. i try to ask u out but u r always busy with ur friends. i tried sms but u don really want to reply. i wanted to call but i know that even if u answer. i would be the one that u want to speak to.
to u i am just a past. i am ur first and that's it. nothing more than that. but to me, u are the greatest thing that happen in my life emotionally. i have not felt love this way. i have not met anyone that is like u and i will not meet anyone like u ever. but all i can say is that i will always love u. regardless of anything that happen. i wish u all the best in life and most of all... is for u to have love. let the new person appreciate u and love u more than i do. so that u can live happily with that person. its not that i am giving up on us. i will nvr give up even mysterious person knows it. but for now, i will have to let u go and live ur life. i want u to have great bdays from now on. i want u to celebrate all the days that are important to u. i do wish that i could celebrate my important days with u. but only if u want to. i couldnt feel u anymore. and u know that i would give up my all for u to love me again. but if u say no. i will have to respect ur decisions. i will just have to keep my love in me for as long as i can. and hope that 1 day u will redeem them for urself.
i may be seeing someone but just so u know my love for u is just too great. i will be ur guardian angel. i will be there for u when others are not. but only if u let me be there. if u don call i cant come even if i am just right beside u. take care my dear. u were, are and going to be dear to me forever!!! nothing will ever change that... ever!!!
love,
your dear that failed...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
its too difficult... i cant take it anymore....
after so long after the break up, i am still so in love with u. why is that so? aren't love suppose to fade like ur love for me?? i feel so tortured. everyday i have to put on a mask just to show ppl that i am ok. but the fact is i am not.
i felt like this is not a break up at all because in my heart, we are like family already. and this felt like a divorce instead. now that i think of it. it made sense now that all the morning smses is not replied at all. and when i ask u, u said that there is nothing to reply. and for months u only replied sms with questions. have it ever crossed ur mind to talk about it so that we can work things out? i guess not. that's why we are here now right.. and everytime i end the calls with "i love u" u will just reply "ah" and "ehm". have u ever thought of telling me the truth? what happen to being honest? i know i haven't really been honest to u. but my love for u is the most honest thing i can give u. i dunno what is going on with my life now. i really don't.
now i am so afraid to even sms u. everyday i felt like sending u an sms to show that i still care but i cant because i do not want to spoil ur day. as i know my sms is gonna make u feel disgusted, unlike sms from the other friends of urs. when i know there is a possibility of someone else getting u, it hurts me even more. i keep telling myself, its over and forget about it. but i cant. everything i do i will think of u. every other person that sms me and try to flirt, i will reply coldly. because i just cant. i cant hurt any other ppl as i know i only love u alone. i cant pretend to like them and hurt them because i know how hurt is the heart when its broken. i myself cant bare the hurt. everyday i pray so that everyone is being honest to u, they do not lie to u or even hurt u. but thats all i could do from now on. that time when i called u when u had an emo post on msn, i was thought about it alot of times, weather or not to call. but i finally said to myself, pride is nothing when it comes to comforting u. i just felt like u need someone to talk to u. even though i know that u have other friends to comfort u but i still want to be one of them.
i dunno if u still feel that i am being fake. when u told me the attention u received from me is fake. i felt like a lost soul. i really do. i feel like i have given my all and yet it is fake. and to see u smile when u get sms from ur other friends and an sms from me is only gonna make u angry, how do u think i would feel? i had been sad for u, i had been angry about the things that u have done to me when we were together... but thats not enough to kill the love i have for u. even though u don forgive me for wat i have done. u don even want to say that u forgive me when i ask for forgiveness. but i will forgive u for all the things u have hid from me. for all the things that u have done wrong to me even the break up. i forgive u for all that. and i pray that u will have a good life and that God will guide u through ur degree and that u will past with flying colours.
i would tell u all this myself but i am too afraid to talk to u or even sms u like this. so i will just post it here in my blog, if u read it then good. but if not its ok. at least u will someday know that i have said this before. take good care of yourself. and i will always always love u till the end of my life. not even if there is a new person in my life can take away the love i have for u. u r the one love for me....
i felt like this is not a break up at all because in my heart, we are like family already. and this felt like a divorce instead. now that i think of it. it made sense now that all the morning smses is not replied at all. and when i ask u, u said that there is nothing to reply. and for months u only replied sms with questions. have it ever crossed ur mind to talk about it so that we can work things out? i guess not. that's why we are here now right.. and everytime i end the calls with "i love u" u will just reply "ah" and "ehm". have u ever thought of telling me the truth? what happen to being honest? i know i haven't really been honest to u. but my love for u is the most honest thing i can give u. i dunno what is going on with my life now. i really don't.
now i am so afraid to even sms u. everyday i felt like sending u an sms to show that i still care but i cant because i do not want to spoil ur day. as i know my sms is gonna make u feel disgusted, unlike sms from the other friends of urs. when i know there is a possibility of someone else getting u, it hurts me even more. i keep telling myself, its over and forget about it. but i cant. everything i do i will think of u. every other person that sms me and try to flirt, i will reply coldly. because i just cant. i cant hurt any other ppl as i know i only love u alone. i cant pretend to like them and hurt them because i know how hurt is the heart when its broken. i myself cant bare the hurt. everyday i pray so that everyone is being honest to u, they do not lie to u or even hurt u. but thats all i could do from now on. that time when i called u when u had an emo post on msn, i was thought about it alot of times, weather or not to call. but i finally said to myself, pride is nothing when it comes to comforting u. i just felt like u need someone to talk to u. even though i know that u have other friends to comfort u but i still want to be one of them.
i dunno if u still feel that i am being fake. when u told me the attention u received from me is fake. i felt like a lost soul. i really do. i feel like i have given my all and yet it is fake. and to see u smile when u get sms from ur other friends and an sms from me is only gonna make u angry, how do u think i would feel? i had been sad for u, i had been angry about the things that u have done to me when we were together... but thats not enough to kill the love i have for u. even though u don forgive me for wat i have done. u don even want to say that u forgive me when i ask for forgiveness. but i will forgive u for all the things u have hid from me. for all the things that u have done wrong to me even the break up. i forgive u for all that. and i pray that u will have a good life and that God will guide u through ur degree and that u will past with flying colours.
i would tell u all this myself but i am too afraid to talk to u or even sms u like this. so i will just post it here in my blog, if u read it then good. but if not its ok. at least u will someday know that i have said this before. take good care of yourself. and i will always always love u till the end of my life. not even if there is a new person in my life can take away the love i have for u. u r the one love for me....
Saturday, October 10, 2009
after 3 weeks
after 3 weeks i really thought i could make u feel, i could make u think about us, or even give us another chance....
but apparently not...
i have always loved u and always will till the very last minute of that feeling.. love will definitely fade because it is not nurtured... to tell u the truth. i really love u more and more each day after break up... i fall for u every other day that i see u or i read about u... but i know u were so hurt by me that u wouldnt give me any chance at all.. i just want u to know.. i love and care for u... and it hurt me the most not because u don love me... is that u don wanna give chance for us... i went drinking and swimming in the middle of the night with my friends, thinking that i am over u... i certainly am not... but to help me forget u... i will do anything possible.. because u are my first and only real love for now... and i know its karma that i hits me now... and i will treat everyone the same now... i cant believe that u are so heartless to do wat u do to me... to see me hurt and yet not comfort me... i think u really deserve someone else... someone that could show u how i really feel when u leave me... someone that could show u how is real love like... i couldnt hold on anymore...
i will always love u my dear RLGQ... always... u have a room in my heart that i will keep for u... and when i die i will testify about ur love for me... how great it was while it lasted... i hope u too...
but apparently not...
i have always loved u and always will till the very last minute of that feeling.. love will definitely fade because it is not nurtured... to tell u the truth. i really love u more and more each day after break up... i fall for u every other day that i see u or i read about u... but i know u were so hurt by me that u wouldnt give me any chance at all.. i just want u to know.. i love and care for u... and it hurt me the most not because u don love me... is that u don wanna give chance for us... i went drinking and swimming in the middle of the night with my friends, thinking that i am over u... i certainly am not... but to help me forget u... i will do anything possible.. because u are my first and only real love for now... and i know its karma that i hits me now... and i will treat everyone the same now... i cant believe that u are so heartless to do wat u do to me... to see me hurt and yet not comfort me... i think u really deserve someone else... someone that could show u how i really feel when u leave me... someone that could show u how is real love like... i couldnt hold on anymore...
i will always love u my dear RLGQ... always... u have a room in my heart that i will keep for u... and when i die i will testify about ur love for me... how great it was while it lasted... i hope u too...
Friday, October 2, 2009
adakah salah cintaku??
cinta... apa itu cinta??? adakah cinta itu satu permainan antara dua insan yang bosan? adakah cinta itu hanya satu perkataan yang kita lafazkan apabila kita gembira? bolehkah cinta itu wujud dalam geram, marah dan sedih.....?
cintaku padamu tidak pernah padam. sehingga kini, cintaku padamu tetap ada di hati. setiap kali ku melihat telefonku, membuat apa yang kita selalu lakukan, aku hanya teringatkan kau. aku tidak menafikan bahawa cinta diantara kita sudah tidak sama. tapi, masihkah ada cinta untukku?? masihkah ada sayang untukku? itulah persoalan yang sering berkumandang didalam fikiranku. terus terang ku katakan, harapan untukmu kembali didalam hidupku tetap membara dalam hati yang luka ini.
ku rasa sangat terseksa. walaupun ku masih mencintaimu dan menyayangimu, aku tidak dapat menunjukkan kasih dan sayang itu kepadamu. sering kali ku berbuat begitu, kau hanya akan lebih membenciku. pabila ku melihat kawan baru yang kau ada di dalam "facebook" ku rasa resah. aku rasa kau sudah berubah. kau tidak pernah akan berkawan dengan orang orang yang begitu. tidak pernah sama sekali.
kau berjanji jika ada sayang dan cintamu padaku, kau akan kembali dalam hidupku. tapi pernahkah kau inginkan itu. didalam hatiku, ku tahu kau tidak pernah berfikir untuk kembali. jika kau pernah berfikir untuk kembali, kau tidak akan melakukan apa yang kau lakukan sekarang. kau akan biarkan dirimu jauh dari "buaya=buaya" di luar sana. aku ingin melindungmu dari mereka kerana ku tahu apa yang diinginkan mereka. tapi ku tidak boleh bersuara, kerana inilah jalan hidupmu dan kesalahan ini harus dilakukan dirimu sendiri agar kau mampu sedar dari mimpi mimpi mu ini.
jujur ku katakan, ku masih mencinta, menyayang dan ingin berada di sampingmu. namun kebenarannya, kau tidak akan kembali padaku. betapa bodohnya ku rasa pabila ku sedar. ku disini berharap untuk kita kembali bersatu. dan kau disana, tidak terlintas difikiranmu itu walau sekalipun yang kau ingin kembali. jika kau ingin kembali kau sudah lama kembali. aku ingin melindungimu dari semua bahaya, tapi ku tidak dibenarkan. jika ku tahu apa-apa yang terjadi kepada orang kesayanganku akan ku jadi bingung buat selamanya.
walaupun hampir dua minggu tiada di sampingmu, ku masih merindukan kamu dengan sepenuh jiwa dan ragaku. ku masih mencintai dirimu dengan sepenuh hatiku. hari-hariku sudah tidak sama. semua orang disekellingku merasakan yang sama. namun apa boleh ku buat??? hanya berharap...... semua kekawanku menasihati supaya ku berhenti berharap, ini sahaja balasanku kepada mereka. "kau tidak akan faham mengapa ku tidak ingin melepaskannya. pabila kau menemui seseorang yang kau merasakan itulah orangnya, kau tidak akan lepaskan."
RLGQ, aku mencintai dan menyayangimu buat selama-lamanya. kaulah ilhamku, motivasiku dan syurgaku.
cintaku padamu tidak pernah padam. sehingga kini, cintaku padamu tetap ada di hati. setiap kali ku melihat telefonku, membuat apa yang kita selalu lakukan, aku hanya teringatkan kau. aku tidak menafikan bahawa cinta diantara kita sudah tidak sama. tapi, masihkah ada cinta untukku?? masihkah ada sayang untukku? itulah persoalan yang sering berkumandang didalam fikiranku. terus terang ku katakan, harapan untukmu kembali didalam hidupku tetap membara dalam hati yang luka ini.
ku rasa sangat terseksa. walaupun ku masih mencintaimu dan menyayangimu, aku tidak dapat menunjukkan kasih dan sayang itu kepadamu. sering kali ku berbuat begitu, kau hanya akan lebih membenciku. pabila ku melihat kawan baru yang kau ada di dalam "facebook" ku rasa resah. aku rasa kau sudah berubah. kau tidak pernah akan berkawan dengan orang orang yang begitu. tidak pernah sama sekali.
kau berjanji jika ada sayang dan cintamu padaku, kau akan kembali dalam hidupku. tapi pernahkah kau inginkan itu. didalam hatiku, ku tahu kau tidak pernah berfikir untuk kembali. jika kau pernah berfikir untuk kembali, kau tidak akan melakukan apa yang kau lakukan sekarang. kau akan biarkan dirimu jauh dari "buaya=buaya" di luar sana. aku ingin melindungmu dari mereka kerana ku tahu apa yang diinginkan mereka. tapi ku tidak boleh bersuara, kerana inilah jalan hidupmu dan kesalahan ini harus dilakukan dirimu sendiri agar kau mampu sedar dari mimpi mimpi mu ini.
jujur ku katakan, ku masih mencinta, menyayang dan ingin berada di sampingmu. namun kebenarannya, kau tidak akan kembali padaku. betapa bodohnya ku rasa pabila ku sedar. ku disini berharap untuk kita kembali bersatu. dan kau disana, tidak terlintas difikiranmu itu walau sekalipun yang kau ingin kembali. jika kau ingin kembali kau sudah lama kembali. aku ingin melindungimu dari semua bahaya, tapi ku tidak dibenarkan. jika ku tahu apa-apa yang terjadi kepada orang kesayanganku akan ku jadi bingung buat selamanya.
walaupun hampir dua minggu tiada di sampingmu, ku masih merindukan kamu dengan sepenuh jiwa dan ragaku. ku masih mencintai dirimu dengan sepenuh hatiku. hari-hariku sudah tidak sama. semua orang disekellingku merasakan yang sama. namun apa boleh ku buat??? hanya berharap...... semua kekawanku menasihati supaya ku berhenti berharap, ini sahaja balasanku kepada mereka. "kau tidak akan faham mengapa ku tidak ingin melepaskannya. pabila kau menemui seseorang yang kau merasakan itulah orangnya, kau tidak akan lepaskan."
RLGQ, aku mencintai dan menyayangimu buat selama-lamanya. kaulah ilhamku, motivasiku dan syurgaku.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
