ytd was suppose to meet HIM for lunch but HE already eaten. i thought maybe we don have to meet la since HE already had lunch. so i ask if HE still want to go out with me. HE said yes. we went to have the rojak that HE has always promised to bring me. although HE didnt eat, but i felt so happy sitting next to HIM and eat the food that we always wanted to eat together. although now we are just friends but to me HE is so sweet to still come out and teman me. I HOPE AFTER READING THIS HE WON'T RESTRAIN HIMSELF TO NOT SEE ME EVER, NOT EVEN ON NORMAL FRIENDS OUTING.
then we head on to SP to get his phone. i can see it in HIS eyes that he really wanted to get that phone. and when HE really got it, HE was so happy and HIS eyes just glow. I personally was not enjoying myself at all. being with him physically but emotionally not there. it hurt me so bad to be there but feel lost at the same time. but all i want is to see HIM smile again. and that is why i lend him some money first to get his phone. i know for a fact if i say don have to return, he will not ever accept. and i know that i only would like to have my DEAR to return...not the cash. but who am i kidding. dreams are meant to be dreams.
we talk so much about whatever we felt like talking. and yes i only could talk about US, US and US. i only want him to remember all the sweet events that we have been through. and i keep telling him things. and at one point, i know for a fact that i really do love him. i know he can really feel. my friends told me, why are u still waiting for HIM? why are u sacrificing so much for HIM? and all i can say to them is.... u don know HIm and u don know my love for him is how deep... u all don know how much we have been through together... how much tears have been shed... how much laughter that has been heard... how much anger that we had blasted on each other... but all that emotions lets me know that HE still care. but right now at this moment... there is nothing at all from HIM. its like as though HE was dreaming for past 2 years and now HE is awake and all that was a dream. HE told me he is very curious and wants to try everything. then i started thinking, did HE even started with me as a curious move. did he really fell for me??? did HE really had a crush on me before. i started being paranoid. and then there is this moment i saw a msg in his phone by accident.. and it reads: i need you.... i changed... my face turned black.. i could care less about the ending. i could care less about who sent it... the only think i know is that i am super jealous about it.. i hope he knows i am jealous because he is really important to me and i don want him to get hurt ever again. ever.....
i went to work... had a lot of beer.. started acting crazy... and when i came back.. i almost killed myself because of the beer.. but i kept thinking of how i have to live so that i have a chance to love HIM and be loved by HIM again... and i got home safely... i know it sounded cheeky... it sounded like some hong kong drama.. But let me tell you this.. ITS ALL REAL... i am not making up stories to make it look interesting. this is what i felt and this is wat i am going to bloog about... everything i go through in the absence of RLGQ. a very very very important person in my life.. i want HIM to know that i am not useless, stupid and that i am very loving and caring towards HIM. and all i can do now is to let him REALIZE it by HIMSELF. and i will not live for him but i will live for me and hope that he will one day reunite with me so that we can live for US.
ps: SLY so much
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
8th day But Still Loving....
nothing really happened yesterday. as usual i sms and call him just to let him know that i am still here for him. and as usual the reply wouldn't come back as how i wanted which is fine with me. i know that he received my sms is good enough for me. he has always thought that we started off so sweet together and we just grew more and more dull when it comes to sms and calls.. no more lovey dovey sweet talk.. i really missed that. and he told me that he still keeps the sms-es that meant alot to him. i am really glad to know that. but he is going to change his phone soon because the old phone is giving a lot of problem to him. he cant communicate with his friends at all..
i really wanted to help him get the phone that he wanted, but obviously he wouldnt let me. if i have enough money i wouldn't let him know and just buy him that phone but all i can afford is to come out with half of the amount. and he said no, just let him ask his mother, and i said fine but if he needed help he know where to get me.
then calvin msg me on msn. asking me to meet up with him and just spill the stories to them.. especially andrew. andrew has always been jealous about how loving and understanding RLGQ and i were. but unfortunately it just has to stop. i am still loving and understanding towards him its just that he is not the same person that loves me. at least i don't feel his love. but i still want to think that he still loves me its just that he don't wanna show it.
after crying and telling them the sad story of my life ( boo-hoo), all they can say is just be strong. they told me that they wouldn't want to give me false hope but just be strong and wait if i feel that waiting is worth it. i definitely feel that this is so worth it. i could wait for as long as i want if the thing i am waiting for is the love of my life. nvr in a million years i thought of leaving or giving up on this relationship.
after all that drama, i went back home. as usual when i am at home all i could think of is MR RIGHT... and i tried sms and calls but i know he is still in class... come 5.30pm i called and ask him what is he gonna do later on after class. he just told me he would be going to SP and just be with his friends. then i ask him exactly what he wants to do, and he told me have dinner, buy shirt and get another piercing. he knows for a fact that i wouldn't like him to pierce but i would accept and support him if he really wants to pierce. thats all i could tell him, i said think it through but if u really want to pierce go ahead, i really would support.
then comes night time, happily chatting with all of my friends who were online. talking crap basically because they wouldn't want to remind me of the sadness. after chatting for so long i got an sms. its an invitation sms to play basketball in the night time. frankly, i am very reluctant to go. and then my friends told me you have to get out there. you have to do everything even if you like it or not. so i accepted the invite and went. although i suck at bball but i had at least a moment too sweat out the negativity. then after bball session, i sms RLGQ and ask if he got the piercing and where is his location. he replied he got it and it was more pain compared to the lobe and i was confuse because when he replied it was awhile after that. i tried calling him to ask what the sms meant then i realize the meaning after reading what i have sent. i ask him if i could meet him. i just felt like every special events or at least non-common events i wish to spend it with him and i wish he could spend time with me if my day was special. when i saw him, i couldn't take my eyes off the pierced ear because of how red it was and when he hit the couch and just shout a little, it hurt me to know that he is in pain. but then after that we talked about me and what i did and he about what he did. it was fun talking to him again. although we are on different couches but talking to him again meant alot. and just by talking you get to know so much. when i decided to leave at about 1.30am, i ask him for a hug. and that hug was so precious to me. it really was. although it wasn't the same but i really cherish every moment i get to spend with him.
today i will be having lunch with him and i cant wait for it to come... i really want him to know that i really miss him and the time that we are apart is making me realize how much i really love him and i know that time made me realize and made my love for him grow even more. i will give my all to make things right. i will try to be there as often as i could. i would juggle my work life and personal.. and i will wait for that day to happen.. i will definitely wait for that day to happen, the happiest day of my life....
i really wanted to help him get the phone that he wanted, but obviously he wouldnt let me. if i have enough money i wouldn't let him know and just buy him that phone but all i can afford is to come out with half of the amount. and he said no, just let him ask his mother, and i said fine but if he needed help he know where to get me.
then calvin msg me on msn. asking me to meet up with him and just spill the stories to them.. especially andrew. andrew has always been jealous about how loving and understanding RLGQ and i were. but unfortunately it just has to stop. i am still loving and understanding towards him its just that he is not the same person that loves me. at least i don't feel his love. but i still want to think that he still loves me its just that he don't wanna show it.
after crying and telling them the sad story of my life ( boo-hoo), all they can say is just be strong. they told me that they wouldn't want to give me false hope but just be strong and wait if i feel that waiting is worth it. i definitely feel that this is so worth it. i could wait for as long as i want if the thing i am waiting for is the love of my life. nvr in a million years i thought of leaving or giving up on this relationship.
after all that drama, i went back home. as usual when i am at home all i could think of is MR RIGHT... and i tried sms and calls but i know he is still in class... come 5.30pm i called and ask him what is he gonna do later on after class. he just told me he would be going to SP and just be with his friends. then i ask him exactly what he wants to do, and he told me have dinner, buy shirt and get another piercing. he knows for a fact that i wouldn't like him to pierce but i would accept and support him if he really wants to pierce. thats all i could tell him, i said think it through but if u really want to pierce go ahead, i really would support.
then comes night time, happily chatting with all of my friends who were online. talking crap basically because they wouldn't want to remind me of the sadness. after chatting for so long i got an sms. its an invitation sms to play basketball in the night time. frankly, i am very reluctant to go. and then my friends told me you have to get out there. you have to do everything even if you like it or not. so i accepted the invite and went. although i suck at bball but i had at least a moment too sweat out the negativity. then after bball session, i sms RLGQ and ask if he got the piercing and where is his location. he replied he got it and it was more pain compared to the lobe and i was confuse because when he replied it was awhile after that. i tried calling him to ask what the sms meant then i realize the meaning after reading what i have sent. i ask him if i could meet him. i just felt like every special events or at least non-common events i wish to spend it with him and i wish he could spend time with me if my day was special. when i saw him, i couldn't take my eyes off the pierced ear because of how red it was and when he hit the couch and just shout a little, it hurt me to know that he is in pain. but then after that we talked about me and what i did and he about what he did. it was fun talking to him again. although we are on different couches but talking to him again meant alot. and just by talking you get to know so much. when i decided to leave at about 1.30am, i ask him for a hug. and that hug was so precious to me. it really was. although it wasn't the same but i really cherish every moment i get to spend with him.
today i will be having lunch with him and i cant wait for it to come... i really want him to know that i really miss him and the time that we are apart is making me realize how much i really love him and i know that time made me realize and made my love for him grow even more. i will give my all to make things right. i will try to be there as often as i could. i would juggle my work life and personal.. and i will wait for that day to happen.. i will definitely wait for that day to happen, the happiest day of my life....
Friday, September 25, 2009
7th day without RLGQ
as you can see that the title of the post and the post itself doesnt match... the title is a count and the post is about the things that happen the day before... technically this is a post about the 6th day...
i woke up in the morning and i couldn't go back to sleep. and i tried so hard to not call RLGQ. i did... all of my friends said to me that if i keep calling.. i will not be able to live my life... but after thinking for a long time, i figured that i love him too much.. i don care what he does to me... i don care how he feels for me.. i will just call and listen to his voice..
at first, i felt bad for calling him in the morning. he told me that he was still tired and that he wants to rest. then i told him, i know u're going through alot with all the assignments and all... just rest its ok.. i don really have to talk to him.. besides, even if he talks to me, it will just be "erm" and "ah" because he was just too tired...
i went downstairs after that and tried to just forget the fact that i want to see him so much.. but i couldn't. i called him again half an hour later.. i told him to let me send him to college and he agreed but he said to let him rest awhile more... he asked me to call him back to wake him at about 9 am. and that's what i did.
after i have called him, i went and got myself ready and head on to his house. i rang the bell with so much anxiety in me. and when his maid open the door and let me in, all i could think of is not to offend him and respect him as a person. his maid insist on me going up to his room to wait. as much as i wanted to, i know that there are boundaries. i waited in the living hall for maybe about 5-10 minutes. when he came down, it felt like as if we are going for a prom date and i looked at him with such glow in my eyes. i just looked. but i grew afraid and just looked back at wherever i was looking in the first place which is the coffee table. then he went and style his hair and came out so good looking. i realize how much i regretted not telling him the truth. he use to ask me how he looked and i will just give him a grin and say " oklah". and all he could say is sorry to keep me waiting on. and what i replied is i don mind. it is i who came earlier and wanted to wait.
on the way to college, we head to breakfast first. whilst in the car, he told me about a weird experience he had watching movie with his friends. and i just listen. because i choose to listen, i realize how much i know by just listening. i felt so happy that i finally learnt how to just listen and don cut ppl short. then i pop in a question about movies. i ask " which are his favourite movies this year?" and sadly all the movies he chose was the ones that he watched with his friends not me. i guess i don't really know how to choose a movie. then i told him mine was 'up'. i watched that movie with him. its one of our last movies together before the break up. i was really touched by the love the couple had in the movie. although it may seem fake to have a love so strong. but deep in my heart i know that it is possible. i teared watching that movie. and everytime i think of that day, i will remember his hand wiping of the tears from my face..
then i sent him off to college after breakfast. of course during breakfast we talked. i told him a few things that happen to me these past few days and he told me whatever he wanted to tell. but mostly he will just keep quiet. yesterday, i know something new about him. that his favourite chinese drama of all time is "cheong mou kei" and i liked that drama too. see how much i learn from listening??
after sending him to college i head on to work for a course. a course that relates so much to him. its psychology at work place. we learn how to manage stress and also help to keep our mind off certain, not important stress...and i think to myself.. why only now that i learn how to do all these... and all i could think of is him.. as usual.
after heading home from work, i met up with nicole. we talked about me and RLGQ. and we sang our hearts out all the songs we knew just to get my mind off him for just that moment. but it was obviously a failed attemp. and all i can say to nicole is to let me wait. let me do whatever i want to do. but i told her to just be there for me if ever i need her...
when i came back home, alli could think of is to go online and see if he is there so that i could chat with him. but he wasnt. he was asleep. i was happy that he is asleep. at least he is having a rest from all the dramas of live.
then i saw someone really important in our lives online. i chatted with him and i finally know the truth. i knew that although this person may seem out of our lives, he is in fact very in our lives. he knew how much i love RLGQ, how much i care and also how much i still love. i felt happy that i finally get to open up to him... felt so relieved yesterday. to know how much he supports me in this situation. and to know how much he knew about whats going on. that is really a surprise to me. he understood every single thing i said. its like as though he has a book or story that tells about the love i have and also the difficulties that RLGQ and i faced in our relationship. i feel that if ever RLGQ talked to this person, he will understand whats going on and he wouldn't be too stressed up.
all i can say i had a good night sleep. and that i woke up so early in the morning is not to tell everyone i am still stress or cant sleep. its just that i don really need a lot of sleep anymore. i just feel like live is more than just sleep, work and eat. lastly i want to say i still am loving YOU from the bottom of my heart. and know that i am still here waiting for YOU whenever YOU want to come to me for anything at all, you know how to get me. I LOVE YOU!!!!
i woke up in the morning and i couldn't go back to sleep. and i tried so hard to not call RLGQ. i did... all of my friends said to me that if i keep calling.. i will not be able to live my life... but after thinking for a long time, i figured that i love him too much.. i don care what he does to me... i don care how he feels for me.. i will just call and listen to his voice..
at first, i felt bad for calling him in the morning. he told me that he was still tired and that he wants to rest. then i told him, i know u're going through alot with all the assignments and all... just rest its ok.. i don really have to talk to him.. besides, even if he talks to me, it will just be "erm" and "ah" because he was just too tired...
i went downstairs after that and tried to just forget the fact that i want to see him so much.. but i couldn't. i called him again half an hour later.. i told him to let me send him to college and he agreed but he said to let him rest awhile more... he asked me to call him back to wake him at about 9 am. and that's what i did.
after i have called him, i went and got myself ready and head on to his house. i rang the bell with so much anxiety in me. and when his maid open the door and let me in, all i could think of is not to offend him and respect him as a person. his maid insist on me going up to his room to wait. as much as i wanted to, i know that there are boundaries. i waited in the living hall for maybe about 5-10 minutes. when he came down, it felt like as if we are going for a prom date and i looked at him with such glow in my eyes. i just looked. but i grew afraid and just looked back at wherever i was looking in the first place which is the coffee table. then he went and style his hair and came out so good looking. i realize how much i regretted not telling him the truth. he use to ask me how he looked and i will just give him a grin and say " oklah". and all he could say is sorry to keep me waiting on. and what i replied is i don mind. it is i who came earlier and wanted to wait.
on the way to college, we head to breakfast first. whilst in the car, he told me about a weird experience he had watching movie with his friends. and i just listen. because i choose to listen, i realize how much i know by just listening. i felt so happy that i finally learnt how to just listen and don cut ppl short. then i pop in a question about movies. i ask " which are his favourite movies this year?" and sadly all the movies he chose was the ones that he watched with his friends not me. i guess i don't really know how to choose a movie. then i told him mine was 'up'. i watched that movie with him. its one of our last movies together before the break up. i was really touched by the love the couple had in the movie. although it may seem fake to have a love so strong. but deep in my heart i know that it is possible. i teared watching that movie. and everytime i think of that day, i will remember his hand wiping of the tears from my face..
then i sent him off to college after breakfast. of course during breakfast we talked. i told him a few things that happen to me these past few days and he told me whatever he wanted to tell. but mostly he will just keep quiet. yesterday, i know something new about him. that his favourite chinese drama of all time is "cheong mou kei" and i liked that drama too. see how much i learn from listening??
after sending him to college i head on to work for a course. a course that relates so much to him. its psychology at work place. we learn how to manage stress and also help to keep our mind off certain, not important stress...and i think to myself.. why only now that i learn how to do all these... and all i could think of is him.. as usual.
after heading home from work, i met up with nicole. we talked about me and RLGQ. and we sang our hearts out all the songs we knew just to get my mind off him for just that moment. but it was obviously a failed attemp. and all i can say to nicole is to let me wait. let me do whatever i want to do. but i told her to just be there for me if ever i need her...
when i came back home, alli could think of is to go online and see if he is there so that i could chat with him. but he wasnt. he was asleep. i was happy that he is asleep. at least he is having a rest from all the dramas of live.
then i saw someone really important in our lives online. i chatted with him and i finally know the truth. i knew that although this person may seem out of our lives, he is in fact very in our lives. he knew how much i love RLGQ, how much i care and also how much i still love. i felt happy that i finally get to open up to him... felt so relieved yesterday. to know how much he supports me in this situation. and to know how much he knew about whats going on. that is really a surprise to me. he understood every single thing i said. its like as though he has a book or story that tells about the love i have and also the difficulties that RLGQ and i faced in our relationship. i feel that if ever RLGQ talked to this person, he will understand whats going on and he wouldn't be too stressed up.
all i can say i had a good night sleep. and that i woke up so early in the morning is not to tell everyone i am still stress or cant sleep. its just that i don really need a lot of sleep anymore. i just feel like live is more than just sleep, work and eat. lastly i want to say i still am loving YOU from the bottom of my heart. and know that i am still here waiting for YOU whenever YOU want to come to me for anything at all, you know how to get me. I LOVE YOU!!!!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
6th day without RLGQ
yesterday all my friends asked me out. and i thought, wat for.. i am depressed and i will only make them depressed as well... then they keep on persisting on meeting me. and i thought oklah... just go.. there is no harm in meeting them... besides... i am suffering at home...
firstly, i met up with danica... i knew that she is always there for me as i have for her... even though we had big ass quarrel and thought that we will nvr be friends anymore, we still care for each other... i cried to her about it... about wat has happened.. the weird thing is, she cried too... she told me... that this is just a phase in this relationship... be strong and don ever give up... she told me that i have to be strong to live my life as normal as i could... but nvr hide the feeling or keep the feeling aside just because YOU dont love me anymore... its embarrassing to have cried in old town.... but who really cares... who really cares if we cry... who really cares if we are upset...
then i went out with my work friends... we drink and we sang our hearts out... all of us had or is having relationship issue as well... all the heart aching songs were sung out loud.. i really thought i felt better... maybe is the beer or maybe is the companion... but there was this moment that i totally forgotten of wat has happen.. i forgot who i was with... i forgot who i have loved and is still loving... i became so restless.. and i keep asking jason... wat am i doing... how come i cant feel anymore... but as soon as i got in the car... i struck me again... i can tell YOU the truth that i am not that sad anymore... but i am still loving YOU regardless of wat...
when i came back home i smsed YOU... just to let YOU know wat i did and wat i am doing... and also just to wish YOU goodnight... not knowing that a reply would come back or not... i know YOUR reply was just a mere gesture of friendship... and for you to share that YOU'RE stressed of assignments with me... really made me happy... atleast i am a friend to you...don worry my dear.. YOU have always had stress with college.. and guess wat.. everytime you will get out of it and score a good score because YOu have put in YOUR best in it... YOu just have to have faith in yourself... if u ask me.. u will be a great Psychologist or anything u wanted to be in the future..
i know for a fact that the return of YOU in my life is merely impossible... but i will still wait for YOU no matter wat... because of the love i have for YOU has no limit... i will heal one day.. and by heal i would mean that i am not sad anymore.. but if YOU think that by healing means that i will move on to find another... YOU'RE wrong... i will always wait for the RLGQ that i have always love.. and is still loving... take care and all the best in life... i will always write this way... as though i am speaking to YOU.. because i am speaking to YOUR heart.. i don wanna disturb YOU and YOUr daily life just by calling YOU every single second.. but i will blog and hope that YOU read it... I STILL LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL....
firstly, i met up with danica... i knew that she is always there for me as i have for her... even though we had big ass quarrel and thought that we will nvr be friends anymore, we still care for each other... i cried to her about it... about wat has happened.. the weird thing is, she cried too... she told me... that this is just a phase in this relationship... be strong and don ever give up... she told me that i have to be strong to live my life as normal as i could... but nvr hide the feeling or keep the feeling aside just because YOU dont love me anymore... its embarrassing to have cried in old town.... but who really cares... who really cares if we cry... who really cares if we are upset...
then i went out with my work friends... we drink and we sang our hearts out... all of us had or is having relationship issue as well... all the heart aching songs were sung out loud.. i really thought i felt better... maybe is the beer or maybe is the companion... but there was this moment that i totally forgotten of wat has happen.. i forgot who i was with... i forgot who i have loved and is still loving... i became so restless.. and i keep asking jason... wat am i doing... how come i cant feel anymore... but as soon as i got in the car... i struck me again... i can tell YOU the truth that i am not that sad anymore... but i am still loving YOU regardless of wat...
when i came back home i smsed YOU... just to let YOU know wat i did and wat i am doing... and also just to wish YOU goodnight... not knowing that a reply would come back or not... i know YOUR reply was just a mere gesture of friendship... and for you to share that YOU'RE stressed of assignments with me... really made me happy... atleast i am a friend to you...don worry my dear.. YOU have always had stress with college.. and guess wat.. everytime you will get out of it and score a good score because YOu have put in YOUR best in it... YOu just have to have faith in yourself... if u ask me.. u will be a great Psychologist or anything u wanted to be in the future..
i know for a fact that the return of YOU in my life is merely impossible... but i will still wait for YOU no matter wat... because of the love i have for YOU has no limit... i will heal one day.. and by heal i would mean that i am not sad anymore.. but if YOU think that by healing means that i will move on to find another... YOU'RE wrong... i will always wait for the RLGQ that i have always love.. and is still loving... take care and all the best in life... i will always write this way... as though i am speaking to YOU.. because i am speaking to YOUR heart.. i don wanna disturb YOU and YOUr daily life just by calling YOU every single second.. but i will blog and hope that YOU read it... I STILL LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL....
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
5 th day after losing RLGQ
yesterday i called and ask how is it that he can let go so easily. he don feel pain at all.
where as me, i feel all the pain in the world in my heart.... i cry and cry till my other friends started crying... then he finally answered that there is no more love in his heart for me... that's y its super easy for him to say no to me when i ask for another chance... and its super easy for him to just have fun and just forget me...
i am happy that we have shared this 2 years together.. through pain and happiness.. but unfortunately... it wasn't good enough for him... i wasn't good enough for him.. and for him to fall and have feelings for others so so fast... really kills me inside because he doesn't have any sympathy or he don't even care about how i feel anymore...
i admit that i still love him with all my heart... i admit that i still care for him.. but i cant lie and say i am not upset by the situation... for these past few days.. he said that he felt something but he just don wanna think about it... he don wanna think wat is going on between us or even wat is going to happen between us.. he is willing to let me go as a friend if i really don wanna be his friend... and it really really hurt me to know that...
where as me, i feel all the pain in the world in my heart.... i cry and cry till my other friends started crying... then he finally answered that there is no more love in his heart for me... that's y its super easy for him to say no to me when i ask for another chance... and its super easy for him to just have fun and just forget me...
i am happy that we have shared this 2 years together.. through pain and happiness.. but unfortunately... it wasn't good enough for him... i wasn't good enough for him.. and for him to fall and have feelings for others so so fast... really kills me inside because he doesn't have any sympathy or he don't even care about how i feel anymore...
i admit that i still love him with all my heart... i admit that i still care for him.. but i cant lie and say i am not upset by the situation... for these past few days.. he said that he felt something but he just don wanna think about it... he don wanna think wat is going on between us or even wat is going to happen between us.. he is willing to let me go as a friend if i really don wanna be his friend... and it really really hurt me to know that...
Sunday, September 20, 2009
3rd day of crying...
everytime i am at home or work... i will think of YOU. i have never stopped loving and caring for you and yet this has happen... u claimed that u have loved me with all your heart... then let me feel and know that.. as far as i know... if u love someone, u would understand that sometimes things have to happen for a reason... not just give up.. just because u don feel loved... or there is a better feeling from flirting with other ppl... or even from your friends... i have never once thought of breaking up with u...NEVER. why??? because i have loved u since we're together and i have nvr loved u less since...
everytime u talk about "that person" how do u think i feel. how do you think i feel when everything we do reminds u of him... i am ur bf regardless of how horrible u feel i am.. i am still ur bf... the least u could do is to tell me and discuss with me... even a break up... we can talk about it nicely.. not just ignore each other until i get upset... how do u think i feel,... do u think i am strong enough thats the reason u want to just leave me like that... all the things we went through together.. u may replace it with someone else... but i cant... nvr in my life i ever said that u remind me of someone else that i have feelings with... is this how u show ur love???/
wat do u love about me??? sex??? money??? my humor??? or just someone to hang out and call bf??? because i have no time with u... because i don have the mood to do anything because too tired from work... because i am tired everytime i go out with u caused by work... because of all these reasons u wanna leave me... ever thought that at times when i am free and wanted to talk to you, u said ur busy.. ur out with friends... and with family and cant meet me... how would i feel... i feel sad too but i understand... i understand that if u can u would be with me but its just because of ur commitments that u have to spend ur time elsewhere...
i never ever thought bad thought about u or even this relationship... because this is wat i wanted i have to accept.. how bad it hurt me... i still endure because i really thought u were still loving me after all that.. because of ur hug, ur tears... they let me know that ur sincere..
knowing that there are doubts now made me really sad... i have cried for 3 days now... how do u think i feel when u can say u love me and u dont at the same time,... wat does that mean....?
i really don care anymore... i want u back... i want the person that i really know and that i really love back to me... not the person that loves other ppl... not the person that wants to flirt with other ppl to feel nice... i want the person who love me regardless of how i look... no matter how ugly u still say i look good..i want that person back....the person that would love me for me....
everytime u talk about "that person" how do u think i feel. how do you think i feel when everything we do reminds u of him... i am ur bf regardless of how horrible u feel i am.. i am still ur bf... the least u could do is to tell me and discuss with me... even a break up... we can talk about it nicely.. not just ignore each other until i get upset... how do u think i feel,... do u think i am strong enough thats the reason u want to just leave me like that... all the things we went through together.. u may replace it with someone else... but i cant... nvr in my life i ever said that u remind me of someone else that i have feelings with... is this how u show ur love???/
wat do u love about me??? sex??? money??? my humor??? or just someone to hang out and call bf??? because i have no time with u... because i don have the mood to do anything because too tired from work... because i am tired everytime i go out with u caused by work... because of all these reasons u wanna leave me... ever thought that at times when i am free and wanted to talk to you, u said ur busy.. ur out with friends... and with family and cant meet me... how would i feel... i feel sad too but i understand... i understand that if u can u would be with me but its just because of ur commitments that u have to spend ur time elsewhere...
i never ever thought bad thought about u or even this relationship... because this is wat i wanted i have to accept.. how bad it hurt me... i still endure because i really thought u were still loving me after all that.. because of ur hug, ur tears... they let me know that ur sincere..
knowing that there are doubts now made me really sad... i have cried for 3 days now... how do u think i feel when u can say u love me and u dont at the same time,... wat does that mean....?
i really don care anymore... i want u back... i want the person that i really know and that i really love back to me... not the person that loves other ppl... not the person that wants to flirt with other ppl to feel nice... i want the person who love me regardless of how i look... no matter how ugly u still say i look good..i want that person back....the person that would love me for me....
Saturday, September 19, 2009
heartless....
why heartless u may ask??? this is the day that i was betrayed by my loved one. not only my love has been betrayed but my trust and faith too... all i did for all these while is make our life better... to make us happier so that we do not think of the financial stress... but no... to others what i do is so my own personal gain... not only i have to work my ass off to impress the boss and stayed in the office till late at night... but the sacrifices i need to make is unspeakable... here i thought that i am doing everything well... no rain.. no storm.... everything seems to be calm... then ignorant starts to emerge to the surface... being me, i had to ask and get more info... in doing that, i got myself a big whole of a BREAK UP....
wow.. the feeling that i felt was too great for me to handle... burst out in tears for almost 12 hours now... i could not help myself but to think what did i do wrong now that this is happening... is it because of my previous mistake,... if yes y now it has been brought up... or is there anyone else... if that s the case... how can the word "i love u" even be used in our conversation??? that doesn;t make sense.. i could not help but flood the whole world with my tears.... i called all my friends hoping that it will help me ease the pain...
nothing happen... i am still as sad and hurt as i am.. its because the love in me still lives and i felt unfair that this wasnt discussed or even talked about in the first place it was just a moment that i would nvr forget....
ps if u ever wanna hurt someone in a relationship... think first if they did anything wrong that they deserve to be hurt this way.. no one deserve to be put in my situation...
wow.. the feeling that i felt was too great for me to handle... burst out in tears for almost 12 hours now... i could not help myself but to think what did i do wrong now that this is happening... is it because of my previous mistake,... if yes y now it has been brought up... or is there anyone else... if that s the case... how can the word "i love u" even be used in our conversation??? that doesn;t make sense.. i could not help but flood the whole world with my tears.... i called all my friends hoping that it will help me ease the pain...
nothing happen... i am still as sad and hurt as i am.. its because the love in me still lives and i felt unfair that this wasnt discussed or even talked about in the first place it was just a moment that i would nvr forget....
ps if u ever wanna hurt someone in a relationship... think first if they did anything wrong that they deserve to be hurt this way.. no one deserve to be put in my situation...
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