3rd day of crying...

everytime i am at home or work... i will think of YOU. i have never stopped loving and caring for you and yet this has happen... u claimed that u have loved me with all your heart... then let me feel and know that.. as far as i know... if u love someone, u would understand that sometimes things have to happen for a reason... not just give up.. just because u don feel loved... or there is a better feeling from flirting with other ppl... or even from your friends... i have never once thought of breaking up with u...NEVER. why??? because i have loved u since we're together and i have nvr loved u less since...

everytime u talk about "that person" how do u think i feel. how do you think i feel when everything we do reminds u of him... i am ur bf regardless of how horrible u feel i am.. i am still ur bf... the least u could do is to tell me and discuss with me... even a break up... we can talk about it nicely.. not just ignore each other until i get upset... how do u think i feel,... do u think i am strong enough thats the reason u want to just leave me like that... all the things we went through together.. u may replace it with someone else... but i cant... nvr in my life i ever said that u remind me of someone else that i have feelings with... is this how u show ur love???/

wat do u love about me??? sex??? money??? my humor??? or just someone to hang out and call bf??? because i have no time with u... because i don have the mood to do anything because too tired from work... because i am tired everytime i go out with u caused by work... because of all these reasons u wanna leave me... ever thought that at times when i am free and wanted to talk to you, u said ur busy.. ur out with friends... and with family and cant meet me... how would i feel... i feel sad too but i understand... i understand that if u can u would be with me but its just because of ur commitments that u have to spend ur time elsewhere...

i never ever thought bad thought about u or even this relationship... because this is wat i wanted i have to accept.. how bad it hurt me... i still endure because i really thought u were still loving me after all that.. because of ur hug, ur tears... they let me know that ur sincere..

knowing that there are doubts now made me really sad... i have cried for 3 days now... how do u think i feel when u can say u love me and u dont at the same time,... wat does that mean....?

i really don care anymore... i want u back... i want the person that i really know and that i really love back to me... not the person that loves other ppl... not the person that wants to flirt with other ppl to feel nice... i want the person who love me regardless of how i look... no matter how ugly u still say i look good..i want that person back....the person that would love me for me....

heartless....

why heartless u may ask??? this is the day that i was betrayed by my loved one. not only my love has been betrayed but my trust and faith too... all i did for all these while is make our life better... to make us happier so that we do not think of the financial stress... but no... to others what i do is so my own personal gain... not only i have to work my ass off to impress the boss and stayed in the office till late at night... but the sacrifices i need to make is unspeakable... here i thought that i am doing everything well... no rain.. no storm.... everything seems to be calm... then ignorant starts to emerge to the surface... being me, i had to ask and get more info... in doing that, i got myself a big whole of a BREAK UP....

wow.. the feeling that i felt was too great for me to handle... burst out in tears for almost 12 hours now... i could not help myself but to think what did i do wrong now that this is happening... is it because of my previous mistake,... if yes y now it has been brought up... or is there anyone else... if that s the case... how can the word "i love u" even be used in our conversation??? that doesn;t make sense.. i could not help but flood the whole world with my tears.... i called all my friends hoping that it will help me ease the pain...

nothing happen... i am still as sad and hurt as i am.. its because the love in me still lives and i felt unfair that this wasnt discussed or even talked about in the first place it was just a moment that i would nvr forget....

ps if u ever wanna hurt someone in a relationship... think first if they did anything wrong that they deserve to be hurt this way.. no one deserve to be put in my situation...

worth waiting for.....

for those of you who heard that this movie is not as great as the one before, please do not listen to them. i just watched this yesterday and i truly feel that it is worth the wait and trouble.

managed to get the 12.55 am tickets and wasn't really enthusiastic about the movie at first thanks to the reviews that are given by those who watched it earlier. addition to that, we had to wait outside the cinema for about 1 hours just to watch it. of course most of you will think, why am i so stupid and waited for an hour outside the cinema. actually the movie was suppose to start at 12.55 am so everyone queued for the popcorn and other snack or beverages 10 minutes before hand. out of expectation, the hall wasn't open for admission yet. the reason being, cleaning is still in progress. so while waiting everyone just lingered outside in the lobby, munching on the snacks that has been purchased. basically half of my popcorn is devoured before the movie even started.

at about 1.55am, we were allowed to enter the cinema hall and be seated at the assigned seats. thinking that the movie should be starting soon. we were disappointed once more. we had to wait for about 30 minutes for the advertisements to be played and it is a very long advertisement. i am not too sure why does it take so long to play the movie. everyone started boo-ing and making a whole lot of fuss till the movie actually being played at about 2.00 am ( about there)

despite all the waiting, the movie was great. the graphics was great. although i do agree with some, that the story line wasn't as great as the first one but the movie was still one of the best movies this year. more autobots and decepticons being introduced... more abilities and more transforming action... overall it was a really cool movie.

this is actually the first time i watched a movie so late that i slept straight when i got home. i just thought maybe i should blog about this as i haven't blog for a long time.

my first day in a gym....

when i first got there in the gym, i was so blurr...
i dunno where to start...
dunno wat to do first....
so i went to the locker room and put my stuff there first then when i move back to the gym area i saw 1 of my friend there ( thankfully )
so i got some sort of clue wat to do after "consulting" my friend... hehe
then the first thing that i did was the step master or something like that (not too sure wat they're called) that was the most tiring thing to do, for me at least.

then went on to the cycling thingy... that was really cool la... it was a relaxed work out which focuses on the thighs... initially i did a whole lot of different work outs la...
i wasn't really focusing on any particular exercise ytd...
just wanted to try most of the thingy there..

this morning when i woke up..i felt so tired and my body was aching.. in fact it is still aching now... hehehe..
but i will get use to it la....
thats all la... it was fun and i keep saying that gym is the same as jogging in the padang which is not right at all...


p.s. i haven't got my blackberry yet because the fuckers in celcom are damn slow at doing wat they are suppose to do... very very not satisfied with the service they provide...

NOT a single minute wasted!!!!

first of all, the title is an exaggeration. its just that today is the most i did in awhile.

early in the morning, was waiting for a wake up call but ended up making the wake up call =)
then got ready and kept telling myself not to get angry because so many things happened this whole week and knowing the "short-tempered" me, i will get angry at almost anything.

after getting ready drove off to Y.K.W's house and waited for awhile. usually i will be furious if i were to wait that long but dunno why i wasn't even angry. then we went and have a very casual tennis game. this is the first time we actually have a decent tennis game. usually i will be screaming from the other end and there wouldn't be any game in the end. maybe it's just the mind set. maybe i have told myself not to get angry that's why i was so patient today.

after tennis went back home and had lunch. nothing special there. about 1pm i went out with Y.K.W. again to the optical shop. i did not buy anything just accompanying Y.K.W. to get new glasses which i personally think is nice but not everyone is being on the same page as i am.

after that nothing could wipe off the smile off Y.K.W's face. was too excited to get the new spectacles i guess. then we went to subang parade. and i went straight to blue cube which is a celcom outlet in parade. the main point of being there is to enquire on the most amazing gadget to me, BLACKBERRY STORM. we had to wait for awhile for someone to actually take us seriously about it because we were dressed like some kids that just wanna be there to ask stupid questions and not buy anything. then this salesman aka worker there came up to us and actually 'layan' all our questions and obviously i was happy with the answers and Y.K.W. approves of me buying it i guess, from the look on the face. i have been talking bout the phone since forever and finally today was the first time i actually touched and played with the phone and it was really nice.

now the only thing that is keeping me from buying the phone is cash!!!!!!!!!!! i am hoping that i will get some help form my brother about it. i am jusat so excited and cant wait for that moment.
then we bought a large amount of dunkin donuts. which is not up to expectations at all. ate damn alot and i was bloated because after the dunkin donuts i had to get home and have dinner. i just couldn't sit still because i was too full and kept on burping like nobody's business =)

and now i am blogging again.. how much happiness or events like this can change a person's mood and made me blog again after this while... i will be updating this blog again with other updates...hopefully ;p

biggest loser.....?

this is my favorite show of all time....at least for now it is....

in case you 're not sure of haven't heard of this show, this show is about obese people losing weight basically.
it is a very inspirational reality show.
i really thought that malaysia should have a reality show like this as malaysian lifestyle is exactly the way the contestant's were before they enter the programme.
and malaysian should really watch this as being inspired by this..

why this show get to me so emotionally??
although i am not an obese person, but i see myself in years to come being like that if i don't change my lifestyle.
i am a person that consume almost everything that is edible anytime anywhere.
supper has been a regular outing for me.
after watching this show it made me realize that if i keep this lifestyle, i will be seeing myself wearing size XXXL in a few year from now.
with my working hours now, i can't seem to get any time to exercise at all.

as a move towards better life ( i hope..) Danica and i have ask to have a permanent shift so that we could get ourselves sweating again.
and because of this new fixed shift i would have to sleep early as well, therefore, less supper i hope.

lastly, i do recommend all of you to watch this show on hallmark channel ( i don't know what time but there is repeat almost everyday and even on the weekends) even if you're not an obese, you may get inspired in some other ways....

live life to the fullest!!!!!!!!!!!!

RESULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just imagine how anxious i felt before taking results. everyone else is taking it on time but the 3 of us (danica,sam and i)

my hands shivers when i sign the form and everything and we went to a corner to open up the paper and i shouted for joy as i got want i wanted which is all pass. then shortly after that only i checked for the grades. wow.. i was really happy that i passed all my papers.

then after that we went for yam cha and hang around at summit... its fun because its been awhile we didn't hang together....

i will not enclosed anyone's results here since its PnC.
as for mine.. i got 1 a and 3 b... thats all...

now stressed about making decisions to apply uni and all... haih...

outburst!!!!!!!!!

today its really not my F***ing day la...

first at work its just like crap. i din have mood to start off and then the first call itself its an escalation call. its such a bad note to start work with. in addition to it, no one seem to care bout helping in work except some of them la but when i need help they're not free all the time. then frankly i feel like crap with some of my colleagues. used to be close and happy working together. and because of the ranking and other reasons that i am unsure of, we became enemy or at least not friends. i really hate it when ppl take it like i wanna beat them for the sake of winning. then some of them will pretend to lose just to make me feel better. pls u're not doing me a favor. and u think u're a better person doing so, pls forget it. to me u're an idiot. only idiots will not make a full advantage of wat is infront of him/her. i just wanna let go of everything today. i felt so like shit keeping it in me and pretend to like every single person in the world. its not that i wanna create trouble but pls get some brains. sometimes jokes oso some ppl wanna be so serious about. like stupid bitches only.

then come home and hope for it to stop. but that's not the case. i had to quarrel with Y.K.W. why is it so hard to communicate lately. it is me or is it everyone else? i feel as though those who understood me dont know who am i anymore. and because of that i don even think i know myself anymore. its like tmr is result day and the thing you at least could do is just go through it with me instead of being a pain in my ass right. y is it so hard to understand me. i am not really good in english but i don think i am that bad till ppl could not understand me in a simple conversation. i really hate it when ppl don understand me and keep repeating the same idiotic things. sometimes, its not that i want to get angry its just that if i don yell or scold ppl wouldn't take me seriously. its CRAP!!!!!!!!!

FIRST EVER TAG THAT I AM DOING!!!!!

this tag post have been withdrawn due to some mistake and will be reposted if i manage to solve it...!!! hehe don blame me i dont really know how to do tags =(

money, money, money....

money is such an important "tool" in our lives without it life is just difficult, doable but difficult. i recently got my full pay from working a full month. of course work wasn't easy but the satisfaction you get when you get the money is like a child in an amusement park, at least to me it is =). how money can bring so much "colours" into my life is just so incredible. to some ppl money is not very important. maybe because they didn't had much hard time finding them. and to some its just as important as everything else because without money there isn't any food nor there will be clothing and shelter. i don't really know why money is that important to me. maybe because i am always deprived of my needs and i always have desire that are hard to fulfill. for some they can always impressed their parents and they will get what they want as a reward. i have never had that apportunity since UPSR. since then, my family had alot of financial and also family crisis. so to fulfill my wants and needs i usually save or work for it. this is the reason why my decisions may defer compared to others my age. but now that i have worked, i don't blame my dad for not supplying things that other kids might have because i know how hard it is to get money. as i said i just got my full pay (only my friends will know how much..heheh) now wats left in the bank is less then 15% of the pay. thats how fast money could go. i had to pay alot of things and that's how i know life is not as easy as it looks.


ps: here's some of the things i spent my cash on....ice cream!!!!!!!!!

no reason....

....went out with danica after work. was supposed to stay at home but we ended up going to pyramid together. took us almost half an hour to actually find a parking that day and finally we got 1 in the rooftop. then we head on to shops hoping that we could find something to buy but we failed to do so. then we have a sudden crave for sushi so headed to SAKAE and these are some of the dishes we had....we were so full that we had to pack some of it...




then out of our expectations... when we're about to get into the car at the rooftop, we were stop by the security. at first we were very confused and danica even said maybe someone died. but actually that was't the case. the rooftop was used as a platform to release the fireworks. this is the first time i saw a fireworks show right infront of my face. so here's a vid of it... so i can say that out day ended with a bang!!!

picnic???? fun....

ytd i went out with my friends for dinner at piccadilly's ( if i didn't spell it wrongly) and it was great. besides the fact that we are always fun to hang with but the food was great too. i had the best carbonara that i have ever eaten there. 1 thing bad about that place is that the food comes very slowly. maybe its cause by the packed restaurant. as usual after the outing was coming to an end. we planned for the next one because most of them will be outstation for a very long time and it will be awhile before we get to see each other again after this. so guess where is our next outing going to be??? ITS AT THE ZOO NEGARA!!!!!!!!!! how fun is that. you get to be in a zoo with your friends just chillin out and after that we will be going to have a picnic in taman tasik titiwangsa. just the sound of it makes me jumping inside. its sounds so 'ang mo' like with the picnic and the zoo outing. cant wait to go and i will try to get photos and upload it on my blog... so for now i just have to wait... cheers...!

stupid callers...

today was a very bad day at work. 90% of my calls are complaints and enquiries. the thing that bugs me the most is they talk alot when they only need to tell me the main problem and what is the outcome they wish. instead, they wanna tell their grandma's stories then only tell the problem. those calls really hurt my AHT(average handling time). higher AHT means lower commisions. its bad enough that i don't have enough sales, my AHT is so high that it doesn't really matter if i have any sales or not.

then there was a caller, an australian, thinks that he was the king of the world. just because is ang mo, that doesn't give him the right to scream or curse at other ppl. they themselves are rude but they keep saying that other ppl are rude to them. and they can't understand english for goodness sake. what is so hard to understand a sentence that has been repeated to you for over 10 times... IDIOT... i hate those kind of callers..

despite all that, i still have some sales for today and my day at work ended in a high note when my last 2 calls are sales calls and they were very nice. i hate talking to australian guys!!!! just reinforcing my point that australian guys are very rude.... hope i have a better day tmr..

working life...

have been working for a few weeks now.. starting to get a hang of the culture of the work place. made friends with some of the seniors and just felt more like home at work. unfortunately, the system is going to be change just when we're getting use to the old one. which means we have to start all over again from scratch. starting from next week our batch of trainees will be separated into 2 groups and we will soon be under different TL. i sure hope that we stay as close as before but i doubt that will happen. just the same as school when we say stay friends forever and after that we couldn't be bothered about others. so this weekend will be a long off for me as i am going to start work on tuesday only. so i can just rest and hope that i am still ok with the system=) its been awhile that i haven't blog, i felt like i have lost the touch or passion to blog.. but i will still blog and find the lost passion and keep updating my blog as much as i can... anyways take care and all the best in life~!!!!!

shopped for 3 days!!!

went out to shop in various places for 3 days straight... such as summit, pyramid, sungai wang and times square. bought a few things that i have long for. like shoes and bag... here are a pic of things i have bought. although simple but i am satisfied.. spent almost RM300 on all the things but i think its worth it..


Just bought the bag today actually... went out with Eugene and Ryan today. Was initially suppose to buy things from either "lalaland" or "lalaworld" in human language is times square or sungai wang.. but there isn't anything there to buy so we head on back to sunway pyramid. walked for almost a day and i just got myself a bag.. quite sad when come to think of it..

most of the shops in times square and sungai wang was closed due to cny so there's nothing much to see... but there is 1 incident that got Ryan and i laughing..as we walked pass the "market" area in the centre of sungai wang, there's this indian lady buying t-shirts for her son or someone else.. then suddenly she just walk to eugene and measure the shirt on eugene as if he was her son or grandson or wtv.. and eugene cant do anything but to just stand and let her do so...hahah... it was hilarious and she even spoke like as though she was asking eugene if he likes it... damn freaking funny la... so thats all that happened today..

Happy Chinese new Year!!!!!!!!!

happy chinese new year ppl... may you have a healthy and prosperous life ahead... be well!!!!!!!

after 2 weeks of work

at first i thought this was the best place to work. cool ppl that dont judge you, cool place where everyone is friendly and good environment. but after 2 weeks i realize that ppl are still ppl even if they're in another place. there will be back-stabbing, bitching around and even verbal discrimination. obviously i am 1 of the victim that's y i am claiming this fact ( duh..) its ok if they want to talk about someone but to me there's a certain limit to it. this is not high school where the bitch is always bitching around and bullying the nerds and the jocks bullying the geeks. i just feel really uncomfortable with some of them now. thats 1 of the reason that make me so freaking tired at work ( bad aura..) next week we'll be assigned to a new group, a smaller one. i just hope that i don't end up in the same group as 'them'.

about work there's nothing much. this 2 weeks is just for us to learn about the system and the product. and basically we learnt a bit and we talked alot... it was fun despite all that negative things. but from next week on its going to be work work work...! so wish me luck....hahaha

first day!

went to work for the first day... it wasnt really work. it was just a "orientation" and a get along with ppl session. basically we heard the CEO datin Mona. it was quite boring for me, the talk, but some may think its inspiring. then we played some name game and just talked alot with the others. it was really fun as it wasn't even working. the more interesting is that we are needed to wear our pyjamas to work tmr. I was shocked when i heard that. i mean you're supposed to work not slp so why ur pj's man. but who bothered asking. we are all wearing our pj's whether we like it or not. It is weird but cool at the same time. Its like we're in college or uni where they have themed-days. so looking forward to see everyone in their pj's. i think i will see more things than usual tmr, if u know wat i mean....hahhaa.

sweet...

My 19th bday will be one of those that will stay in my heart for a very very long time. Nvr in my life that most of my friends and family members wished me. I felt so touch when i received all that sms-es and calls from almost everyone. I was seriously happy.. As for my dad, not 1 bday he wouldn't quarrel with me. Though i hope it will one day change but its no biggy. There's 1 down-side to this bday, I was sick after lunch with my friends till now. only now i have a little strenght to go online check my mails and update my blog. To those who i didn't reply the msges i am so sorry but i really am unable to do so. That's all..try to keep it short due to my lack of health...see ya ppl..

Last day being 18....

I was often asked "what do i want for my bday?" or " how do i wanna celebrate my bday?". I am sure most of u get these questions too.

Having gone through so many things, the most precious and important thing to me is life. In other words, anything for my bday would make me happy because i already have the best thing which is life. Of course there are things (objects) that i would love to have but it won't meant much to me. At least not more than memories, friendship, and other life-related things. So for those who are planning to get me something or even got me something, it doesn't really matter what the present is because i will be happy receiving it. The thought of ppl buying me presents could have been the best gift i can have. For those who aren't getting me anything, its fine. A simple wish would be enough to put a smile on my face.

As for how to celebrate, a simple gathering (happy one) would have been enough. Spending time with family and friends would meant the world to me. Relationship to me is more important than fancy parties. That's why i always try to get my friends together at one gathering where i can spend time with all of them ( at least most of them) but if cant then i will settle for the best. Just a simple and happy life is what i ask for in 2009.

Cant wait for my bday. Hopefully no anger involved through out the day!!!!!!!!