Shattered....=(

today, my day started with a very bad 'note'. i don't even have the right mood to sit for my exam. I can't seem to comprehend all that has happened.

It all started yesterday after i read Sam's blog. She posted something that really upsets me. I was just trying to help and be a friend by telling her the truth. Who knows that she will misunderstand my point and just take it the wrong way. After reading her blog, i posted a comment about that post. I was very angry and disappointed with her words. Even though she didn't post it with my name, i know she meant me. From now on i will just keep the thoughts to myself. There's no point to tell your friends the truth if it hurts them so badly. Why do something that will get yourself hated.

Then i went to Y.K.W.'s house as i already promised earlier in the afternoon. Obviously i can't hide my feelings about the Sam incident. With my sour face i told everything that upsets me. Then we were fine until I started comparing my self to Y.K.W's friends (story was cut short..lazy to tell). After that we started being angry and i left angrily. It may seem that its my fault being an obnoxious person creating speculations about him. It may also look like as if we quarreled because of this other person in his life BUt truthfully i was very very jealous of Y.K.W's friends. They practically spend almost half a day with each other and only spend time with me afew hours in a week. I also contributes to that lack of meetings because i am bound by my house-rules and i am practically busy studying for my trials. Then i feel so left out from Y.K.W's life. Hello i am the BF here not the other friends. But frankly i don't feel that way. I feel like a second-hand-car, where you have to settle with it because you have no enough money to buy a brand new car. Just because there isn't any other plans then i will be called to accompany Y.K.W. Actually i feel this way towards my friends too. When they have no other friends to talk to or hang out, then they will call me or invite me to hang with them.

They(my other friends and Y.K.W) always say that they understand me. what they understand about me, that i am not sure. I really cant stand it. Then this morning the teachers were giving warnings to the whole school about leaving school early after exams. Then, some asshole from other class started blaming it on me. They started saying" ah..all your fault la" or " see they're talking bout you". That got me really angry and i can't even concentrate on the task at hand which is my trials. Everyone could see that i am very pissed at something. Being the usual Raymondo, the clown mask will be on from time to time. I just feel really down today. My usual daily nap also disrupted because of these incidents. Maybe i am destined to be a loner and just be with myself in my own world since everything i do is wrong.